Planes, Trains and Teams

Not that one likes to think morbid thoughts while sharing a space with strangers (a confined, rapidly moving space least of all), but in the back of my mind, planes and trains are really all about who is on your team.

First off, let me say that I genuinely LOVE modern transportation. Getting from point A to B swiftly, with little effort on my part, is a brilliant miracle. A few hours to cross a country? Being a human, up in the air and flying? Yeah, it’s literally magic. Gypsy voodoo magic. And it’s amazing. An absolute marvel.  I’m sure I’ll rave about it more in the future.

You're flying, you frickin' wizard you.
And there's an in-flight movie.

That being said, much like with automobiles, planes/trains are really just hurtling metal death boxes. Humans don’t naturally go those speeds. With technology being what it is, the odds of being in a plane or train crash are not high. That’s why when one occurs, it’s on the news as an alarming tragedy. Due to a loss of human life, of course, but also because we don’t expect it to happen. They’re supposed to be safe. We take for granted that they’re safe. Really though, when you’re in a plane, you’re almost 40,000 feet in the air going over 500 MPH, suspended by a thin wall of metal… There’s a chance something could go wrong.

Because my brain spends a lot of time going over unlikely scenarios (and because I only ever saw the series finale of Lost), I’ve thought a good deal about the eventuality of a crash, particularly on a plane. My solution: always prepping my team when I fly and over communicating my travel plans to my family. The latter is for tracking purposes. If I don’t text that I’ve landed, they should assume my plane dropped off the face of the earth and send a search party.

Glitter nail polish will help flag down the search party.

As for the team, it starts as soon as I arrive at the airport/station. I make a point to be as kind as possible to people in advance of and while boarding. I don’t need to be their BFF, but I want no negative thoughts harbored toward me. And then the draft begins. Since people watching is a favorite hobby of mine, I start looking around, Sherlocking people. Locate someone strong in the near vicinity. Locate a mama bear. Weed out the sick, or the ones throwing back Xanax and mini booze bottles. Determine who will be a benefit to me if shit goes down. I hand pick my Lord of the Flies style tribe and then do what I can to casually interact. Let them know I’ll share the conch.

People immediately excluded are those who put their seats in full recline. These people are only looking out for #1, only care for their own comfort, and have no regard for the ripple effect of their actions. I don’t want that sort of disregard for others on my team. The only exception to this rule is for flights over six hours and red eyes. Else keep your seat back upright or get off my team.

Sure this level of arbitrary judgment of strangers is borderline creepy. And I certainly don’t mean to make light of crash tragedies. But when you end up on the Island, you want to be ready. No point in trying to go at it alone.