The '017 Files: May

You know what they say, April showers bring May flowe--- HOLY COW I am SO ready for summertime! Here is hoping that this chilly rain (which has been nice enough to bring beautiful flowers, no doubt) subsides soon and morphs into those summer nights soon. I could stand to start summering in May.

Here's a quick look back on how it went for the April goal list before I jump into May...
Habit Forming

• Exercise tracking / ramping up the running: Was super dedicated in week one and in the last few days of the month, but my random tooth infection and the surrounding madness really threw me off on caring about exercise at all, unfortunately.  is coming back. Must ramp up walking/jogging/running with the 5k coming in May.
• Seven flights a day: Almost hit the mark on this one, but again, wasn't very active for the weeks surrounding my head exploding tooth pain. 
• Nail polish: Crushed it. My nails were poppin' all month long! #BossLady

"Big Goals"

• Hit the mark:
• The Seder tablescape (not to toot my own horn) was a thing of legend (toot toot), as was the evening itself (#MosesLovesMezcal).
• Put up ONE (of promised two) new FB album - captions take too long.
• Book = finished. Next book in the series = half done.
• Started cleaning up typewriters and "know a guy" to help with the ribbons and repair, so that's a major victory in the works!
• Saw so many old friends, and it made my heart smile. Thanks for still being their, peeps, even after all these years of chaos!
• Swing and a miss:
• Passports, WHY do I fail at getting you!?
• Still massively adding to the basket bound for the Women's Shelter.
• Rolly cart was not yet spraypainted: delay of game due to rain.
• Ten blog posts = major fail. Sure, I did finish three. And have about a dozen half done. But sorry don't feed the bulldog, sweetie! All the work stress and teeth time, plus a ramp up in socialization, and I just could not get into the zone for writing. 

Overall, April was wonderfully busy. Which is something I desperately missed but also wore me the hell out. This month was also my BLOGIVERSARY! This lil guy is two years old. So let's hope it behaves itself going into the terrible twos!

Make a wish!

Next up on the goal list... Mayday mayday mayday!!
Habit Forming

• Exercise log: This is going to be essential for both our 5k this month and to get this walrus to squeeze into the itsy bitsy bikini for Vegas the first week of June! 
• More music in the workplace: I've had my nose so close to the grindstone the past few months (while working to get my... promotion! Which finally becomes official this month - Yay!) that I'm starting to burn out a bit. Need to rejigger to have fewer meetings and work time where I can put on some jams and go kick butt.
• Walking and watering: Vegas prep! I don't plan on going into the desert to die. 
• Chill the fuck out: But seriously. Must keep calm and carry on.
• Quit eating like a college kid: Takeout and Easy Mac aren't acceptable on this large of a scale anymore. Need to dial that shit back. 
• Ten minute daily clean: little cleans, to make big cleans swifter. 

"Big Goals"

• Derby Prep: Figure out if I want to make another new hat and where I want to go drink my juleps to celebrate my favorite sporting event of the year.
• Closet: Paint, reorg and assess my closet and dressers. Need to do a full inventory on clothes so I'm ready for summer trips, weddings, life, etc. 
• Carry on: Put up another FB photo album. Finish my book. Get up some blog posts. 
• Old school: Send off at least three letters to friends. 
• Give the gift: I need to make sure I don't totally fail on getting gifts for Mother's Day and for my third anniversary with the beau. Let's be real, I've already got stellar cards picked out, but just need to make sure my gifts don't suck.

With work and life so busy lately, I've been trying extra hard to keep down that bubbling anxiety. The distractions have been plentiful, and the beau and family so very supportive, but these rainy days and dental woes have made the past month a bit funked up. Excited to give my endorphins a wake up call and hit the ground running for this last month of spring.

Take Another Little Piece (of my heart now, baby)

Puzzles. Those that are a metaphor for life's little mysteries and those that are legit tiny pieces of colored cardboard. Some people love them, some hate them. I'm a happy mix of both.

Growing up, my mom and sister were both exceptionally good at puzzles. I often wonder at what point my mom figured out that she could dump out a box and enjoy hours of peace and quiet. My grandma had clearly figured out the tactic before her, because I remember putting together ones stowed away in a coffee can that had clearly seen better days. Regardless, we had on our game shelf a multitude of different landscapes, for us to fit together faraway places from the comfort of our own home. We even had a puzzle board, so the work in progress could be transported around for convenience of space and lighting.

While my family was systematic and vicious when it came to quick and efficient assembly, I floundered. My budding ADD and rabid imagination couldn't be confined to such black and white games. I would take a piece and try to fit it against a dozen others that were of completely different color and dissimilar shape. Sometimes, they'd let me struggle along, other times a piece would get snatched from my hand and promptly placed in its appropriate spot while I stared on. Why couldn't a blue and a red fit together? It was possible. Right? .... I just couldn't compete and flourish in that setting.

To fix this, I got a puzzle board of my own. During college, we'd flatten out a futon, pour ample libations, and "picnic" away an afternoon with cheese and bread over-top a puzzle of Rome. We were fancy. So fancy. That fanciness continued into adulthood as I'd build out landscapes of Hogwarts while binge watching Mad Men. Not saying I became an expert, but I finally started to not be awful. I figured out my own strategy and started focusing on the big picture instead of just smashing together mismatched images, wondering why they wouldn't connect.

In the past few years, the beau has now joined in on the creation process. And it has lead to one very clear conclusion: we do not have similar tactics at all, and I do not puzzle well with others.

This will only end in tears... Of joy. From me. As I place the last piece, victoriously.
(that I've hidden in my pocket so the glory would be all mine!)

I attack with a rigid system:

• Pick out and assemble edges. 
• While digging for edges, compartmentalize various image themes (green grass = green pile in one place; red flower patch = boom, you get a pile, too!) to make it easier after edges are done. 
• Attack each pile in turn. Use the box if you must, but you should be able to figure it out based on the shapes and shading on the pieces in front of you.
• Place back into overall frame as large sections are ready, consulting reference picture as needed.
• In the final stages, pieces are placed in piles based on shape and systematically tested in turn until each has found a home.
• When finished, make sure every bit is broken apart and back in container. Shake for good measure. Make sure it's good and ready for future assembly challenge.

The beau?*

• He says the edges are "the easy part" so you can just worry about them whenever. 
• Pick out some random spot on the picture on the box. Hold said box cover in front of face while searching for individual piece to match specific thing you're looking at. 
• Have some bits put together, place them in general vicinity on table where they will be in overall image, despite not having edges set up to create a frame.
• When finished, glue together. Because you worked hard and why would you ever want to build it again? (Note: he also doesn't rewatch movies or reread books - I know. I judge, too.)

When building together, I get frustrated. I sneakily work on the puzzle when he's in the shower or cooking dinner just so I can organize his piles. I snatch bits of his sections, so I can "help." AND I shriek bloody murder the second a suggestion of glue even occurs. Basically, I'm the worst.

Having such different approaches for how we put together silly little chunks of cardboard, of course, cracks open the greater anxieties... do our own pieces fit together? Are our strategies a perfect compliment, in total conflict, or a beautiful mess of creation? How we approach this game, is it a reflection of how we approach life? Am I just not good at playing well with others?

This is when I start to claw away from my winter hibernation and indoor activities like puzzle making. Because this is the point where my mind starts to run rampant and the irrationality hits a peak. Suddenly a simple box of colored bits becomes an overwrought metaphor for how I must be failing at my relationship. Ten minutes into starting a new design, I've spiraled. Sobbing into the cardboard dust, blaring James Morrison songs,** and assuming I'll live out my days as a crazy spinster - the kind who puts together edges first to create a barrier and keep out those she loves... The deterioration would be funny if it weren't so alarming. The only solution is to abandon the board and run for the open doors into the spring. Too many months cooped up. Puzzling (and my neuroses) can wait until next winter to come out and play again!

The man is a monster, and a cheat!

* Please note: this is based on observations made while puzzling together. I have never witnessed him puzzling on his own, so perhaps his strategy is entirely different when I'm not also there. Or not. The world may never know. ALSO, this is only slightly exaggerated, due to my frustration over the inefficiency. Because I can't handle ineffective processes these days. Sending thanks to the man out there, for bringing me to this point! My frustrations are obviously just spillover from the workplace. 
** Thank you, semester abroad, for giving me that most brilliant of breakup songs. How many times has my tear-streaked faced belted out your ridiculous lyrics into a pint of ice cream while a roommate watched on in horror? Oh, bless those broken hearts of youth! For they make the most ridiculous scenes in hindsight.

Yo, Fro

My indecision and love for color comes to a head whenever I go for froyo.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't have a system. Everyone does. It's just that I lose my mind regardless and wind up with ten pounds of frozen rainbow goodness regardless* of said game plan.

When you go into a froyo place, sure there are other options, but they don't matter. The only one that matters is the "pump fro, top with yo, and pay by weight" method. I'm not going to buy a shake or a smoothie. I'm not a monster. (Although, there is something to be said for the take-home pints. But. Slippery slope, that one.)

Upon entry, the smart method would be to read the board/sign listing the flavors and then hone in on which ones you wish to have, going only to those specific pumps. What most end up doing instead is leisurely strolling along the nozzles. Stopping, reading, moving back, then forward, then sporadically about. Getting in LITERALLY everyone's way as they peruse the selection.** Yes, we've all been guilty of this one. My desire for efficiency puts me in a third bucket. I grab my container (the biggest one, every time, because I don't want my toppings to cascade all over the floor - they're nestled in when in that big basin) and go straight for the first pump. I then proceed to walk straight down the line, adding as I go.

About ten percent of the time this backfires, and I end up pumping a tart / sorbet flavor that I could've gotten down the line in a sweeter froyo. More often then not, this is the culprit of my excess. "Oh, a chocolate, yes I want a chocolate!" Two pumped later, "Oh, DUTCH chocolate you say? Well, don't mind if I do!" The result is either rather duplicate or a fantastic Frankensteinian rainbow. If not all the flavors mesh, I just mix them together like a child and call it a day. All flavors as one flavor!

Then of course comes the goods. The toppings. The reason most people pay eight bucks for a tiny dish and wonder why it's so expensive. Because, dear friends, those cherries and brownie chunks, they're frickin' heavy. (Science, man.)

Bring it on, froyo pump hogging youths! Mama's got a pink spoon and she means business!

I'll admit a controversial opinion here: I could do without the toppings. I'm perfectly content with plain old frozen delight, without all the extras. THAT being said. I do dapple. I go for a precise amount to get a little hint of toppings without adding too much to deter from the main event / too much weight to the price. Typically, that is the following: four to five chocolate chips, two boba balls (WHAT are those things?!), a single mini reeses cup, and then a SHIT TON of sprinkles. Unless, you know, it's one of those days where they have Nutella out. Then it's all over.

Any season, froyo is an easy go-to when I don't have the willpower to have ice cream in my home and want a treat. I can even pretend to be fairly "healthy" by just getting the fat-free flavors. And then I can shoot that healthy figment of my imagination straight in the face with chocolate chips and a bucket of Nutella. And, as I elbow my way past the youths, colorful dish of victory in hand, I know there's no point in pretending that the deliciousness in hand is good for me from a nutrition standpoint. BUT, for my soul? Yeah, it sure as hell is good for that.




* Today, Google taught me that "irregardless" is largely considered to be NOT a word. So. There's another instance of a word/phrase I've used my whole life without regard (AKA irregardless) to proper usage.
** This is almost as bad as the swarm of teenagers who bog down the pumps as they "sample" every single frickin' flavor. You know, the ones who then scurry off, laughing about how they gamed the system, while everyone else openly judges and hates them. *shakes fist at the youths*

Tooth and Nail

It has been a red letter* week in dentistry for me. After years of neglecting my pearly whites, I've finally been taking care of business. Unfortunately, that came back to bite me (see what I did there!?), a bit this week....

A few weeks back, I went in to address a broken tooth. They thought it would only need a crown but upon further investigation, this girl was due for root canal number two - hooray! So, they dived into part one (pulps and cleaning) and set up an appointment for part two, which was supposed to be this Wednesday (aka today).

Cue Saturday, when I realize that the Seder shenanigans of the night before has caused part of the temp filling to go missing. How did I realize? Oh, well, the liberal doses of pain suddenly radiating out from my jaw, of course. I sucked it up though, as I had evening plans (yay Alton Brown!), and carried on into Sunday with my gameface on. Years of orthodontia work and I'm no pansy when it comes to a little tooth ache.

Monday morning, I was basically dying. It hurt worse than that time I found out I was (likely) allergic to tea tree oil.** So, I showed up at my dentist two days early and fun fact: infection! That's what makes your glands puff, your head go foggy, and your skull feel like it's trying to escape the bod to which it is attached. To get it out they had to do some lovely "irrigation" of the canals. BONUS fun fact: the numbing stuff doesn't work so well on infection. So guess who got to fulllllly enjoy that irrigating experience?

Monday/Tuesday were filled with antibiotics and a lack of regard for "take no more than xx in a 24 hour period" labels. All post-work obligations were ignored as I drooled and slept my way around the apartment. Pills to be "taken with food" were taken with orange juice, just like my grandma uses to do. (If you're looking to lose weight, I recommend severe tooth pain.)

Then came Wednesday, in which I crammed 8 hours worth of meetings into 4 and then fled to the dentist once more. I discovered why the one hygienist is always angry: she never gets a lunch break due to me and all my noon-time appointments.*** After discussing this, I gave her the thumbs up to have cookies while working on my root canal - she declined. An hour later and my roots were all rooted. I just chilled at that point until they brought me my shiny new tooth.

That's my new tooth! It's his BIRTHDAY!

After doling out buckets of cash, a fresh prescription for more drugs in hand, I left the dentist after several hours of modern torture. No one to blame but myself and my neglect. My ivories deserved to be treated better. (I'll be sure to treat my new robot teeth with more respect.)

As I walked to my car, I nearly stepped on a little butterfly on the asphalt. He was just chilling there, which seemed odd, given the fact that he'd almost been smashed. Then I realized the poor fella was injured, with a bit of a jacked up wing. Knowing this could be the last moments of his little fluttery life, I offered him a hand. He climbed on up and I took him over to the grass. We were both a bit battered, and I figured everyone deserves a little peace on a stressful day.****

En route home, I noticed a post office, which was perfect since I had letters that needed sending. Stopped in, with my puffy, numbed up face and attempted to smile at the postman who ended up helping me. He was a spitfire. When I apologized for making him break a twenty to pay for two stamps, he smirked and said, "What was that? Keep the change?" I quoted a classic (Smashmouth) song and said back, "We could all use a little change. Unfortunately, I'm not yet at the point where I can say keep the change on a twenty. Hopefully someday." The postman recounted one of those definitely-found-on-the-internet tales of a waitress who got a thousand dollar tip for some Australian tourists or something. I said how they must have received some damn amazing service for a grand, or maybe they thought the waitress just needed it more than they did. We both shrugged and as he waved me off he responded, "Well, you never see a U-haul behind a hearse. Can't take it with ya, I guess! Have a nice day!"

So, even though these past few days haven't exactly been a high point in my month, there's been some decent takeaways... Take care of yourself and others, because eventually we're all down. The best we can do is help out where we can. Whether it's shiny teeth or that thousand dollar tip, it's all just stuff. So don't fret, because you can't take it with ya! (Nailed it, Mr. Postman!)

Fly free, little friend! 

* I actually looked up "red letter day" to make sure this wasn't another one of those phrases I had just always made up. There are an odd number of things I say that are just plain made up that I swear are idioms or actual legit strings of words but are definitely not (and that I've been saying, without being questioned, my whole life). 
** Definitely owe y'all that story. Life lessons learned about home remedies: important stuff.
*** There are other patients in the world, but I'm selfish when it comes to feeling bad about inconveniencing someone. Hanger is the worst kind of anger, and I have been hijacking this poor woman's meal time for days. 
**** OH man, I'm loving these asterisks today! But seriously, the irrational part of my brain was like "I should bring him in my car and take him home. I can nurture him with my orange juice and he can do his PT recovery work on my window sill and one day he'll fly away and it will be MAGICAL." The rational part of my brain said, "This little guy is on death's door. His lifespan is probably a month tops anyways so he's like a 90 year old man who got hit by a car - he's just probably not coming back from this. It's okay to give him a grassy knoll on which to spend the winter of his life." Just FYI, that's how my brain works. That all happened in about 0.5 seconds.

The '017 Files: April

Faaaaaaack, where'd you come from, April? Thank goodness the end of "winter" is speeding by, so spring can finally get here to stay, but wow, I just like missed March somehow.

Before hitting the April list, let's see if I did anything I intended in March...

Habit Forming

• We definitely ate at home more, especially with the beau in full "practice" mode for Seder cooking and insisting on doing the technical challenges from GBBO. Definitely failed at the eating out though, whoops! It was delicious, I have no regrets.
• Walking tapered off as work has gotten crazy busy and the weather has been blustery AF, but, so it goes. Posture attempts were very real, but hit or miss for success there as well. 

"Big Goals"

• Taxes are done and passport photos were finally taken. (Apparently you can't smile anymore?? So, I look like a Russian spy / serial killer - if Interpol ever has to send me out over the wanted list, you'll all get to see.) 
• Social calendar was nice and shiny this month. Thank goodness. Appreciate you, friends! Your company was much needed. Cards and letters were also written up and just need sending!
• Puzzle = finished! Book = half finished! Photo album posted to FB = solid gold thrown out to the masses.
• Dentist appointment was set up and attended (and now I've got another root canal to contend with, lucky me!). 

So where does that leave April? April is one of two months standing between me and a trip to Vegas, so that means it's time to get back on the exercise train so I can do my usual "slowly but surely." This month was a shining example in not giving any fucks about mass consumption of food and Netflix, but the waistline held on (thanks, muscle) so, need to make sure I don't slippery slope it too much. 

Let's get down to business, paperback writer.

Habit Forming

• Exercise tracker is coming back. Must ramp up walking/jogging/running with the 5k coming in May.
• Seven flights a day: In MKE, there was a Fight for Air climb, participants climb 42 flights of stairs to raise awareness and money for the American Lung Association. Since I missed out, I'm aiming for 5x that amount over the course of the month, shooting for 210 flights of stairs. People in my apartment building are going to HATE running into me in the stairwell by end of month! 
• Nailed it! Plan to keep nails polished / classy every day this month (no chips allowed!).

"Big Goals"

• Throw a bitching awesome dinner party for Passover Seder. Tablescape planning is almost finalized and my hostess dress is pressed - let's do this!
• Last step in passport process - like, seriously. It's time.
• Take my spring cleaning basket of clothes to the Women's Shelter.
• Spraypaint the new rolly cart I got at Goodwill. (Why? Does it matter?) 
• Put up two FB albums from my old backlog of photos.
• Finish the book I started in March. 
• Bloogggggg. Ten posts. I'm thinking ten posts in April is reasonable to aim for. 
• Clean up typerwriters. Yes, you read that most-hipster sentence correctly. I've jumped back into the click clacking and oh boy did I miss it. Both typewriters need a little clean up and probably a new ribbon though, so I need to look into that. 
• See some old friends. Life gets in the way but seeing so many regular friends last month makes me want to see more of my old friends this month. 

This month has Passover, Easter, and Alton Brown. It's bound to be a good one. Let's just hope I stay on task a tiiiiiny bit as well. Because the warm weather is finally coming, and at that point I lose my g'damn mind and nothing gets done except patio drinks and floral dress shopping. Cheers to the slippery slope into summer!

This is how we meal prep. I'M HELPING!