BabyMama & The Who Knews

As the former captain of Team No-Kids, I admittedly was super ignorant around a lot of elements of pregnancy, labor & delivery, postpartum, and just parenting stuffs in general. While the internets / socials are filled with mommy blog intel and opinions galore about the whole process, I had never really dwelled in that space. And even though I had the best of intentions with my child-bearing friends over the years - asking questions while trying to give them space to discuss their major life altering event - I honestly wasn't absorbing a lot of the details. The minutia of the thing was foreign to me. There were just so many pieces of that journey that were outside my realm that I mostly listened without understanding. And especially did not think how those things could apply to me one day.

So by the time I was down the path to parenthood myself, I was doe-eyed and stumbling. 

We've been SO grateful to have a large network of good friends and family who have been supportive, shared wisdom, paved the way, told us the tales, etc. This list is comprised of things that were surprising to me, in one way or another. Some of which I'd been warned of (because you do get all the horrid details as soon as you're already pregnant), and some I knew about, but didn't really comprehend until we were in the thick of it ourselves. (This list is obvi not all encompassing - it's what I happened to think of just now so I'm sure it's missing a lot of things.)

Pregnancy

• Your organs literally rearrange. Sure, I figured your body has to make room for a baby, so other stuff has to move a bit. I mostly thought about how things grow out, not how internal things shuffle. Obviously that's a big part of why pregnant women have to pee so often - a dozen pounds of baby and bodily fluid is now smashing down on your bladder all day. Plus, heartburn is the literal devil.
• Unexpected symptoms during pregnancy. Needing to pump up a baby, your blood really gets flowing, which for me meant bloody noses. I also found myself getting a lot of night sweats?* And, fun fact, you can get carpal tunnel while pregnant - WHO KNEW?!
• I care really deeply about my belly button. My greatest fear in life is having an outie. In the final days, it was completely flat... If it had popped out, I think I'd have just died on the spot.
• Stretch marks. Everywhere. I had mentally prepared for belly stretch marks, but the first random one that showed up in week 15 on the underside of my boob, visible only to me? Nope. Complete fucking mental breakdown. No amount of lotions or oils could save my porcelain skin and that's just life - shit comes down mostly to genetics. Mind over stretchy matter.

Labor & Delivery

• Epidurals were a mystery. I knew it was a giant needle in your spine. But I had always imagined a Pulp Fiction style needle stab: one and done. However, it is NOT one and done. It is actually a tube they put into your spine that stays there and delivers the anesthesia. There's a button where they can toggle it up or down. You lay there, with a tube dangling out your spine. What. The. Actual. Fuck. It completely blew my mind somehow that that's how they work. Oh, and you get a catheter. Momma's first surprise catheter. Which made sense because, you can't really feel a lot of your lower half. But. Um. Gross... Don't get it twisted, I LOVED having an epidural. 10/10 would do again. Still, the whole concept makes me cringe. 
• You aren't supposed to eat while laboring. Before going in for my induction, my OB told me to have a big breakfast, because I'd be on a liquids-only diet (broth, jello, juice) at the hospital. So I knew (slash secretly packed snacks), yet was not mentally prepared for not eating. I love eating. Plus, you burn a lot of energy laboring. I totally get it: there's a chance of a C-Section, which is a major operation, and they definitely make people fast before major operations usually. But still.

Motherhood & Postpartum

• Newborns make weird noises. Like a tiny caged velociraptor or a truffling pig.
• Your Period doesn't come back right away. Well, for some it does. Others it doesn't come back until after you're done breastfeeding, or just randomly later. WHY did I never know that?? (At time of writing this, I haven't had my period for 18 months - that feels insane.)
• You don't have to baby proof for a long time. Newborns are literally not mobile. No newborn is getting anywhere near your electrical outlets unless you put them there - they aren't in control of their limbs enough to poke fingers into tiny holes even if you do. The dexterity, curiosity, and ability to move about all comes so much later. I had always thought that was a must-do thing before giving birth - it's really not urgent though. (Although, you'll probably have more energy to babyproof pre-baby.)
• Nightlights are mostly for adults. So I can creep on my baby while constantly checking to see if she's breathing. (Spoiler alert: she is.) Newborns aren't afraid of the dark - they spent nine months in total darkness, they're cool with it. Fear of the dark is learned later.
• Wake windows & overstimulation. Learning how much babies sleep and how that manifests is fascinating. Overstimulation is a very real thing, which makes sense because it's literally a brand new world for them (adults get overstimulated, too, obvi, we just react differently). I'd never heard the term "wake windows" before in my life, and now they're a guideline for our day-to-day. 
• All the feels / hormones. Go see my other post, I can't recount the ridiculous weepiness again.
• The loneliness. We are lucky enough to have a big support system, with a network of caring loved ones who helped us and reached out during every step of this process. (I know I already said that - but like, seriously, without it this would've felt overwhelmingly isolating.) Many mom friends have told me about that element of loneliness, when you find yourself up in the wee small hours with a petit bebe at your breast/the bottle, listening to the not-so-gentle snores of your husband - but I always found that I was not alone during that time. There was always some other mom online or a message from their feeding an hour prior waiting for me. I was never alone in the night. It was kind of beautiful.
  BUT the thing that did get me, was when my maternity leave ended / daycare began. At the start of the pandemic, I was sent to work from home, and have yet to return to the office. As an extrovert, transitioning to being physically alone all day had its ups and downs. But I adapted. Then we had a baby. I had three wonderful months with her - all day, every day. Newborn snuggles, comforting cries, milk&music jam seshs, hand holds with itty bitty fingers - it was wonderful. I did not feel "touched out" like some moms do - I was exhausted but overjoyed. But then, I was just alone again. All day. It was such a sharp pivot, which instantly brought to the forefront all the subtle PTSD I had from the loneliness of being thrust into WFH in the first place. I missed our little girl. I didn't want to be alone. 

MilkMamahood (ie the Breastfeeding Journey)

Want to preface this: you know that scene in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory when Gene Wilder takes them on that terrifying, trippy boat ride? THAT is what I mean by "journey." THAT is what the "breastfeeding journey" vibe is. Still, I feel lucky and grateful to have been in the chocolate factory (had a healthy pregnancy/birth) at all, let alone to get on the boat (be able to breastfeed) - so not trying to diminish that bit - but mannnn it's a wild ride. 

• The boob/milk ecosystem. The lactation consultant warned me that my milk coming in would make me feel like "a busty Renaissance woman" - truer words were never spoken. While pregnant, I was alarmed at how rapidly my ta-tas were gaining size, but that paled in comparison to the early weeks postpartum. I learned a lot about how milk ducts work - and how they're basically rock hard bunches of grapes in your tits.** It's delightfully insane how human bodies work and how weird it is to keep another human life alive using my body.
• The maintenance. The volume of boob pads I've gone through (I wash reusable ones), and the amount of clothing that will just forever smell of slightly stale milk - it's unfathomable. Also, lanolin is greasy. Getting grease out of things sucks. The pump parts, the milk storage (I love our chest freezer), the endless wash. It is a fulltime job. 
• The tether. Oh, the baby is at daycare? You can just live your life same as pre-baby, right? Wrong. Time to pump! Oh, you want to run some errands or see a friend? Okay, cool, um, as long as you're only gone for a few hours because you need to get those titties back to feed the baby. Oh, the baby is sleeping through the night? Now you can finally sleep through the night? Lolz. Your boobs are leaking everywhere - grab that haakaa!
  I knew that by choosing to breastfeed, I'd be committing to the TIME it'd take to do the feeding itself, but the logistics involved and timing of it I hadn't fully understood. Your time is already not your own with a baby, but when you're their primary food source, you're absolutely on their schedule. You are fully tethered to them.*** Especially during a damn formula shortage.

There will probably never be a point where something new and surprising doesn't emerge. Where I don't learn about a new piece of this puzzle and go "Oh, wait, what?" My attempts to overshare are my way of helping someone else be less shocked while going down this road. Though I guess the eye-opening moments are all part of the experience? Wouldn't trade these WTFs for anything else. 

Figuring out this new life, together.

* There has been a running joke with my husband where I just flatly say "I am in a pool." Originally that was because I was in a pool of sweat upon waking while pregnant. Then during my delivery, when they "broke my bag of waters." Then later, in the breastfeeding era when my boobs would randomly spring a leak. Glammmmoroussss AF.

** Another ongoing laugh - me grabbing my boobs when they're too full and it's time for feeding and repeating that dumb tiktok audio of "Hollllly shit, look at these rocks!" (No idea the origin of the audio - but it's all over on videos like this and then I consumed it via the Gram, because like a true millennial I'm not on the tik nor toks).

*** Note: I did do a solo trip for 5 days to Scotland, back in April. That adventure involved me scrambling to pump in a myriad of locations in between a fully packed wedding weekend schedule. I pumped on planes and trains, in a castle, in sketchy bar bathrooms, and everywhere in between. What I did not do though was try to keep that milk and deal with the logistics of that - it was already overwhelming to manage my time around my milk - transiting it would've broken my brain completely. Even though it broke my soul to waste it.