Hindsight Is: 2021 Edition

Reading through my previous "Hindsight is" posts (2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) is always a real trip. Cruising into 2022, I not only didn't get time to write up this post, but also did not review my previous year-end posts. Such is the #newbornlife we currently lead. 

Even without a reread, I can honestly say that I'd have thought 2020 would be the forever black sheep of the bunch, but the joke sure was on me. 2021 turned out to be almost as topsy-turvy, but with the addition of becoming a mom. Sort of like my regular anxiety got a minivan. But for posterity, here is a quick look back at the big ones of 2021: 

• Celebrate Good Times. Ish.
• We ended 2020 with digital holiday celebrations, with just us two in-person. The lack of gatherings with loved ones was unfortunately an ongoing theme in 2021 as well, though this year we were able to share the Christmas season with some family. 
• Was happy to celebrate and support friends and family (mostly digitally / from afar) as they tackled milestones and other moments of growth. It was wonderful to watch as they welcomed new babies into this world or announced pregnancies, started new careers, bought new homes, got engaged and/or finally married, furthered their education, tackled new hobbies, etc. I loved sharing in their moments!
• Oh Baby.
• Obviously a biggie this year was finding out we were pregnant. In the same vein as celebrations above - with everyone newly vaccinated, we were able to share the news with some close family and friends in person. Which felt so exotic at the time, especially since we'd barely seen anyone since the pandemic started. We found out we were pregnant around St. Patrick's Day, told immediate family on Easter and Mother's Day, and had a "we're all vaccinated" garage gathering of friends at the end of May to announce to our MKE crew. 
• In the fall, had a series of virtual baby showers, as the excitement of vaccines gave way to "we're not out of the fucking woods yet, people suck" mode. Even had a tiny "Groovy Baby" themed shower in person. 
• Did a maternity photoshoot, to glamorize the big old bump.
• Took a roadtrip for our Babymoon to St. Louis. Some day we'll get a honeymoon...
• Oh yeah, and like... had a baby. Gave birth. That was a thing.
• Our House, In the Middle of Our Street
• I was all up in the projects. Started doing my Casey Kasem days - throwback episodes of the show play for three hours on Sunday mornings, so I'd take that time to work on things. Got an old Zenith record console that I got partially done tearing apart and converting into a dry bar (then had to hold on since I couldn't use stripper / harsh chemicals to continue my work while knocked up). Found a glorious vintage coffee table that my uncle and I restored. Hijacked a van to get a thrifted dresser for the nursery that I jazzed up. 
• Overall, we settled properly into our house that we bought in November of 2020. You know, once we realized that the pandemic might actually end and people would eventually come visit and would think we looked like squatters. (LOL pandemic ending. Sigh.) We tackled a bunch of projects: setting up my WFH office (with actual art), converted a closet to a mudroom, fully rearranged the upstairs and set up the nursery, got rid of our old couch and opened up a front room to set up my husband's dainty sitting room (yet to be done). Got a ton of new stuff: new couch, proper headboard, new bookshelves, non-retro curtains (so much ironing), new house numbers, a new A/C, etc. There was painting and power outages, and lawn mowing and snow blowing, and it was proper homesteading all around. We even got a chest freezer. Look out, world!
• Hodge Podge
• Watched the political landscape with shock and awe. Kicking it off with the horror of the January 6th insurrection. The inauguration gave some hope. And hope was punched in the face throughout the year by witnessing idiotic party tensions slowly destroy our democracy. It's cool. I'm fine. This is fine. I hate everything.
• Had a mini staycation a few days post insurrection. IE we got takeout to a local boutique hotel and watched Elvis movies - it was actually pretty perfect. 
• My hubby got to revive is running a bit after a bummer 2020 of cancelled race events. He had an 8k and half marathon event, and a whole lot of training. Training that cumulated in his running the Berlin marathon in Germany in the fall - was so proud, even though I was sad about not being able to cheer him on in person because I was super pregnant.
• Sports were a thing. The Bucks won big, Rodgers was a total nutter, and I continued to give zero fucks about baseball. 
• On the family front, my grandma took a few falls and has now settled into a nursing home. She's the matriarch and still has all her wits about her, so I expect she'll be running the place any day. 
• A few miscellaneous attempts at normalcy were also made: attending the digital Van Gogh exhibit, visiting a few restaurants in person, getting back out to my thrift store hopping (and IKEA), some backyard afternoons with friends, a weekday afternoon at Summerfest, and even a movie at an actual theater (Black Widow per my sister's request). 

And of course, one of the top highlights of the year: getting vaccinated. Because while this thing is still not at a tipping point (thanks, anti vaxxers) back to totally normal yet, having that protection for myself and my loved ones (and our baby via me) was a game changer on my mental state. It gave that glimmer of hope that 2020 just didn't seem to have. I hope more of that shines through as we barrel into 2021... I mean, 2022... we just did 2021.... right? Didn't we? Fuck, I don't know. Go team.

Because the death of 2020 meant new life in 2021. Bloom and grow, baby!

The Whole of the Moon

2020-One. 2020-Won? 20.21. 

Here we go again. Another turn of the page, as we flip into a new year. It's hard to imagine what the encore to 2020 could look like. Since I can't see the future (would I want to??), all I can do is craft a vibe I'm aiming for and try to fulfill that, regardless of the landscape I find myself in. 

For my typical start-of-year list (see oldies 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019), I never included a "word of the year" until this past year. In 2020, I had both a word and song. The song was the vibe I wanted to root to. The word, a theme to aspire to. Maybe doing both ended up jinxing things, so this year I'm sticking with just a jammer: "The Whole of the Moon" by the Waterboys. 

As a high level, I want to be more big picture. These past nine months, it's been easy to get tripped up and caught on small hurdles. To feel like I'm failing in little moments, and not realize the bigger accomplishments. As someone who is both parts of this song, I need to find a better balance between the two. 

I wrote up some elaborate novel in which I had a goal based on various song lyrics, but wowww was that sure overthinking things. So, I scrapped that and started over. And then I let a few days pass, and the world flipped on its head again (lol attempted coups, who knew? *weeps*). And then I scrapped everything again. Now, I'm returning back, a few weeks in, having rethought several times, and here's what we've got. 

• Wander out in the world. To be honest, I spent most of 2020 afraid to go outside. Even with my mask, and hand sani, and a doe-eyed desire to experience nature in safe, wide-open spaces, I found myself completely overwhelmed by the amount of other people out and about. This year, I'm hoping to get outside more, on less occupied suburban streets. To manage my anxiety and the people-phobia I've developed. And hopefully, we can also finally have a honeymoon / travel again.* 
• Write it out. Get back into writing for fun, not just for a place to dump my existential crises. (I had no idea that was the plural for 'crisis' - English is fucking fascinating.) 
• Create my own Brigadoon. These early months will probably be very home-centric. Since I can't go seek paradise via travel, I need to make our home our own sanctuary. (I also want to make sure our house looks nice for when people can finally come see it, but that's secondary to our own comfort in these winter months.) 
• More music. Jammers. More jammers. Because I spend too much of the day in silence otherwise.
• Be better in relation to others. A better wife, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, neighbor, etc. I have an expectation of what it looks like to "properly" fulfill all those roles, but with changing times, so too we must change our approach. Keeping myself grounded so I can be a better me for others is so important to me. Get back to being an anchor instead of a free-floating chunk of ocean garbage. And make sure everyone knows how grateful I am for them. Spread that love. Get a little more outward, instead of retreating inward.
• Stretch for the stars. My default "comfort" position is more-or-less a hunchback / fetal position mix. I can physically feel my body withdrawal into itself when I'm stressed out. So, once again, my posture needs a lot of work. While WFH has given me the gumption to not be completely chained to my desk all day long, it also means I've been working in less-than-ergonomically-pleasing setups for months. I need to keep the old body limber as I move into my palindrome year. 
• Keep my blood pumping. Speaking of being stationary too much... I need to get in some more cardio this year, and try to get my resting heartrate to a better place. 
• Figure out how to better contribute to the world. I want to figure out composting. Search for some local organizations to be involved with to help my immediate environment. Do some garbage pickup. Something. The joke at my job when things are high tension has always been, "Take it easy, we're not saving lives here." But maybe I want to be? Maybe I want to do something that's more beneficial to others? Since that isn't something in the cards in my current occupation, I need to look for philanthropy elsewhere. 
• Continue to curate my wardrobe. During quarantine, I got pretty active on Poshmark: getting rid of clothes that no longer matched me (for physical fit or appearance) and buying other secondhand items with those earnings. Helping close that loop and avoid new garments digitally, since hopping to thrift stores wasn't feasible. As I curate, I also need to be better about my ghost outfit.** I need to dress myself each day in a way that's less "trapped at home" and more presentable. And all day, not just a rapid change ten minutes before my husband gets home so he doesn't think I'm a scrub.
• Unfurrow my brow. I may have done permanent damage already. These worry lines may not go away. Must quit showing my apprehension on my face. 
• Keep learning and unlearning. We all have a lot of implicit biases and a lot of what we've learned in life is a product of our immediate environment. I'd like to continue to learn and grow, and unlearn where I need to. To continue to support BIPOC-owned businesses. To do what I can to be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem - by educating myself and advocating for others. I want to practice and get better about having conversations around race and other important topics. I tried hard in 2020 to learn and eloquently discuss, but I know I didn't always do a good job. Sometimes my good intentions didn't come through verbally or I got too frustrated. I need to do better. We all can do better.
• Budge the budget. Now that we have a house, our expenses are different. As we settle in and figure out how much it costs to "run" this household, I'm exciting to dig in on our budget. We had a large amount saved up for a down payment, and now that we've doled that out, we want to figure out how much of our other savings/incoming funds can go into investments with a higher return.*** 
• Keep the vices to a minimum. I've been largely sober this pandemic, because I know what a slippery slope it'd have been to hit the bottle during these unprecedented times. I'd like to keep that up (or down?). But I also need to look at some of my other vices, like my massive sugar consumption, and figure out how to stomp them down a bit. I don't want to emerge from the plague times as a junkie in any respect. 
• Micro progress is still progress. Instead of setting specific long term goals, I'm focusing on a short list of goals each week (many which lend themselves to larger / longer run ones). Not even each month, but each week, because if there's anything last year taught us, it's how much things can change on a dime. Looking ahead more than a week may not be practical. This also gives me flexibility to make progress and keep it right within my sights, even during emotional roller coasting based on global/national events. 

Yeah, the above are vague and overarching. That's the point of them. The weekly goals will focus on specific actions that feed in, but for now, a broad stroke is the best this gal can do. Sure, I probably missed some stuff in the re-workings, too. But I'll be damned if I was going to wait another week to try and get my new years post out. Sending you off with a wish: may 2021 be kinder to us, and may we all be kinder to ourselves and each other. Go team.

Make today your bitch, friends.

* Anyone else seem to have all of their 2020 trips just plopped into the new year? Last year was supposed to be a big travel hurrah for us... looks like maybe we'll try for it again?

** If you haven't heard this particular line - basically, it's the concept that the clothes you die in will be the ones you're stuck wearing as a ghost forever. Since death is unpredictable, you should always dress yourself in an outfit that is comfortable, fashionable, and reflects who you are, because you never know which outfit may end up being your garb for the rest of eternity.

*** I love talking money shit, so if anyone ever wants to dig in on savings and budgeting, you just hit this girl up!

Hindsight Is: 2020 Edition

Woof. 2020. We've (mostly) made it through.

Every year before I write this post, I go back to read my previous "Hindsight is" posts. (Linked here, if you feel like a trip down my memory lane: 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019). The stark contrast of this year to prior ones was almost laughable, but mostly sadable. Like, so sadable. The state of the union left something to be desired, putting it lightly!

2020 was like looking both ways before crossing the street, and getting hit by a plane. But funny enough, when also looking back at my goals post for this year, I felt an odd sense of calm. Even though I came at it much more sideways than I intended, I really did accomplish a lot of the vibe I set out for. It was to be the year of clarity - and even though things were extremely unpredictable, after I went through all the stages of grief for this "year of loss," I did come through the other side with a better understanding of my personal feels, relationships, etc. It was a real trip reading that post and reflecting.

Anywho, onto the 2020 recap...
((Note that this more or less completely fails to capture the dumpster-fire nightmare and wholesome wonderfulness and terror and joy that was 2020 - but, it's what came out when I typed.))

• We survived. Literally the biggest accomplishment. Surviving a pandemic, political turmoil, civil unrest, and everything in between. My car window was smashed in at one point, just to ice the cake. And while it seems like a lifetime ago, it was only February when my husband was in a tragic active-shooter situation at his workplace. I was so thankful for his safety then, and am grateful every day for the health and safety of so many loved ones during these trying times. 
• We moved up and out. We purchased our first home, moving up to the northern burbs and out of apartment living. I moved up to (another) a new role at work. And, our plant family expanded at an exponential rate.
• We celebrated life. Before the world shut down, we had a roaring 20's themed new years, a memorable Leap Day party, wing night, baby showers, lady pal movie night, happy hours and brunches, and of course the Shamrock Shuffle viewing before the lockdown. Weddings, showers, bachelorettes: everything looked different in a year of masks and Zoom gatherings. During our self-quarantine, we turned to virtual events like everyone else. Sidewalk visits and awkward video calls, with a constant theme: we miss each other and love each other and care so much about keeping one another safe. I also excessively celebrated the hatching and fledgling weeks of the baby falcons atop Miller, with the live cam feed that got me through the longest spring of my life. From watching space launches to getting video messages about random nonsense, ever little virtual moment felt like a big moment.
• We donated. Since it was more difficult to physically donate time, we did a lot of donating via straight-up cash. Being financially lucky during this time, we were able to put funds towards causes that matter to us, to try and help in the way we felt we could. We also volunteered to do absentee ballot processing on Election Day, which made for a good distraction and was really cool to be a part of history.*
• We escaped. Even though our honeymoon and several other trips were cancelled, we did take several days away in August, just to get out of our small apartment. Cooking and staying at an AirBNB in lake country was just the ticket. We also escaped through countless hours of television and movies, much like everyone else. I also meant to take up reading and failed, but did really get in a puzzle groove.
• We tracked. In January, we tallied up and realized we were eating out too often. So, in February, we foolishly did a month of NOT eating out - sigh, if only we'd have known. My bullet journal turned into a way for me to be more mindful of the days - noting if I'd gone outside, or spoken to friends or family, or eaten. Counting the hours of sleep lost or gained. And a daily note of the number of Covid deaths and infections, which kept my heart in a constant state of mourning, but also in a state of deep resolve - staying inside, not seeing my loved ones: that time lost could be time gained in the future. It could be a life saved. It was worth it. 

This summary lacks a lot of the depth of this crazy time, but it's been hard to put into words this turning point in history we've all experienced together. And how different we've each experienced it. I'm sad, mad, grateful, hateful, and every other feel, all at once, when thinking back. These months taught us all so much. Some of those lessons, I'm not at all happy about. And others, I really needed to learn. May this all help us grow and make a better world as we move forward. May we be stronger together, even when physically apart. May 2020 be a watercolor in the rain, and 2021 a blank sheet. A fresh start.

Slap some paint over 2020. Gloss 'er up a bit.
Time for a fresh start.

* I highly recommend volunteering to help at the polls or with absentee ballot processing to anyone who wants to better understand the election process. It was absolutely fascinating and it felt really good to contribute and help. (And, we ended up on the homepage of the New York Times!) You can contact your local elections commission for more info. 

The Year of the Cat

2020. Not just a new year, but a new decade. Holy cats.

Before I pop into my typical start-of-year lists (such as those done for 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019), I'd like to point out that the title of this post is not actually accurate, but it's more a stylistic choice. 2020 will actually be the Year of the Rat, which is in direct conflict with the Cat. But, when I think about how I want this year to feel, I want to feel like I'm being wrapped in the smooth jam of an Al Stewart song, with the coolness of its Casablanca inspo. (Plus, the Cat is sure-footed and shares the characteristics of the Rabbit, in that it's earnest and determined to move forward towards its goals.) It's all a lot of flim-flam, but it feels like the feel I want for 2020.

If you'd have asked me moving into the last decade the "feel" I'd probably be seeking for the roaring '20s kick-off, I'd have painted a pretty Gatsby picture, heavy in debauchery, and not pointed to a soft rock song from the late '70s... but such is the turn life takes. And as I see stranger after stranger posting their "word of intention" for the new year, that leads me to cozy up with the "Year of the Cat" and my word of choice: CLARITY.

20/20 vision. 20/20 focus. Totally clear. In place of several years of chaos and scramble, 2020 will be the year of coherence, with freedom from ambiguity. Transparency: with my new husband, friends, family, coworkers; with finances, with intentions, with my thoughts. Simplicity in my emotions. Exactness in my actions.

It'll take a bit to settle into this word/goal/thing, but that's the aim. Clarity.

So, here are a few of the aims to that end.

1. Wrap up the wedding. It's time to stop putting off the remaining items just so I can secretly cling to the day a little longer. 2019 was the year of the wedding, 2020 is not. That means it's time to... Sell off any lingering wedding items I can (finally). Get the dress dry-cleaned/preserved. Finish reviewing vendors. Post up all the photos. Also: finish writing up the wedding related posts I started. They're all half done, may as well birth those babies. Time to take a clear step forward into newlywed status.
2. Be a better friend. Make the phone calls. Send the texts. Schedule the time and see the faces. Last year was a very selfish year for me and I emerged feeling like I'd let people down on the friendship front. Time to spread a little kindness and joy. (For family, too!) I want it to be clear that I care, and for people to know they're loved. 
3. Try to help the climate: both physically and politically. I've finally gotten better about bringing my own grocery bags to the store - time to level up. Because when Lewis the koala died, I literally wept. So, I couldn't handle the whole world going up in smoke. Also, it's an election year, and one of the best ways to help this dear planet will be to help elect officials who will pass policies to help and not hinder. I've got donations lined up, am hoping to volunteer at the convention, and overall won't make the same mistake as last time in not doing enough to help. There should be no confusion around how important elections are, and we need a focused effort to elect intelligent officials who will represent the best interests of the people (and the planet).
4. Bujo. Yes, I'm turning from my spreadsheets to a more artsy form of tracker and am dabbling in bullet journaling. Many habits will be tracked. Many doodles will be doodled. Many things will be put to paper with pretty colored pens. Thoughts and tasks are actionable and clear when written out.
5. My bod, my temple. 2019 was a big year for focusing on keeping my outward appearance in tip-top shape for the big day. This year I want to get back on that wagon (which, tipped over and rolled down into the river the past several months), and focus on the inward, too. I tried to calm my inner gossipy-bitch and rage-monster last year, but there's definitely more work to be done on that front. I need to more clearly understand my motives and feelings, and have a comprehensive plan to treat my body better.
6. Dejunk the junk. There is a real possibility we'll be moving out of our east side apartment at some point in the next few years. Time to start purging and streamlining now so I can avoid chaos for future-Gina. Simplify your stuff, and you simplify your life.
7. Days go by. Sometimes I fall into a binge-watching, life-on-the-couch funk (especially in the winter months) and realize my time could have been spent better elsewhere. This year I'd like to put more towards the elsewhere. I need to focus. 
8. Shaking that money maker. The beau* and I have been reviewing finances. I have spent the last several years rather proud of my financial situation, since having paid off my debt in 2018, and am still very proud, but when combining with a man who left college sans debt, I now feel woefully behind. What's his is mine and all that aside, we'll be attacking 2020 together, with combined forces, squaring away a money-gameplan for the big expenses ahead. I also want to be more mindful in general of what I'm putting money towards.** We're both being transparent with what we've got and where we want to go on the cash front, and will consult a professional to have a more exact approach. We want to keep things simple and keep prosperity a'bloomin'.
9. Get back to basics. What things do I enjoy doing? Time to do them. Puzzles. Writing (hey, blog, I think I've missed you). Chit chatting on the phone. Buying the fancy cheese. Playing dress up and going dancing. Reading a magazine about home storage and organization shit that I'll never actually do. Listening to disco. Writing snail mail. Simplicity and happiness. 
10. Work. Life. Balance. Starting another new role meant digging my brain into another new challenge. Those wheels tend to keep spinning outside office hours, and I have to get back to compartmentalizing. And really ought figure out if the career path I'm on is the right one. Introspection and crafting a clear path for myself, and figuring out how I want to spend the next 35 years of my work life. 
11. Charting a course. 2020 will not be short on adventures, with at least three bouts in Europe (and possibly a fourth) currently in the works. Itinerary crafting is one of my favorite hobbies, and since one never knows what the upcoming years might hold, I want to optimize our travels while we're still able to make them. A clear cut plan to make our journeys simple so we can enjoy our time together abroad. 

Precision and definition. Purposeful intent. Clarity. Working on clarity. I'm hoping that early on in this new decade, I'll have gotten to a point where I've calmed the anxiety in my mind and have a grip over what feels like looming chaos, and that this will be a kickoff year in a confident decade of positive change. Whatever happens, I'll sprinkle in as many buzzwords as possible. Because if there is one thing that's as clear as mud and totally lacking any ambiguity, it's a good buzz word! Cheers to the roarin' twenties, and the dawn of a new decade, friends!

Crystal clear. Object in frame. Focused.

* Now that he's a husband, I felt like maybe I should update the beau's blog name to something more appropriate, like mari (French for husband). Because hubby, hubs, etc. area all nicknames that make him sound like a walrus (which he is not, please his tiny-framed heart). And calling him my love or my man both have awkward connotations as well. But I'm still uncertain with the term so for now he'll still be beau. Also, I'm a little bummed that I didn't take advantage of calling him my betrothed more often - missed opportunity there!
** I read a financial bit of advice the other day that weirdly struck me. Ask yourself the question: if a stranger printed out your bank statement for the last month, who would they say you are? ((Insert blown mind chunks here)) Introspection is important.

Hindsight Is: 2019 Edition

On the blog-front, 2019 was a big old flop, for which I'd like to apologize sincerely. To those who plan a wedding and pump out mad content: major props. I did not share that talent and instead let all my planning and prep and wedding time thoughts swirl about in my mind, incoherent and unable to be relayed to y'all. I posted about a quarter my usual rate, and what came out was mostly gibberish. So if you're feeling like you need some solid gold oldies, go relive my better blog years with some of these past recaps for 2016, 2017, and 2018.

On the home-front, it was a year of much anxiety and celebration. A year of feeling whelmed in all shapes and forms. It was a year of supreme selfishness and break taking, and yet one with an outpouring of love and laughs. I've been grateful for all the support from all fronts.

So, here's a quick bop back into the past 365:

Content Consumption: A great distraction from one's own responsibilities is enjoying the work of others. This year saw some major finales in TV (Game of Thrones - farewell to our meat & mead nights!) and film (MCU phase 1, the latest Star Wars trilogy, etc.). I consumed several more books via our I'm-shocked-it's-still-about-books Book Club. Two must-see shows were seen, when my mom and I hit up concerts for both Cher and Elton John (not together - that double act would literally kill the audience with hits). And, after spending years joking about how impossible it was to get tickets, we finally got the tickets and went to see Hamilton.

Celebration of Others: From baby showers to birthings to baptisms. From many a birthday bash to a grad party or two. Supporting loved ones through moves and divorces, celebrating housewarmings and new beginnings. Giving a surprise-can-you-give-a-speech-in-an-hour speech for my mom's well-earned retirement. Witnessing not one but TWO book launches, as I saw the people who said they were going to write their novel actual write and publish their novels (go buy them here and here - to support your own collection of good-books and those dream-doers). And of course, a big celebration of love for the weddings of various friends this year (including a trip literally to the other side of the planet to witness one of my very dearest friends marry the love of her life).

Celebration of Life: Wing nights / hot sauce challenges. Another full-house Passover Seder. A Halloween party in which we actually had a couples costume-ish. Many a family brunch. Much happy houring with old coworkers and very old friends. A growing Friendsgivinukkah bunch. And many more. As much as I spent the year hiding from people, with my head down wedding planning, we still squeezed in a lot of small moments of joy with some of our nearest and dearest - and it was so very nice.

Celebration of Us: I'm not even going to pretend it wasn't a big year for Andy and I as a dynamic duo. The year was an evolution of us as a couple as we planned one of the biggest parties we'll ever throw. I spent many months as a ball of anxiety and he was a steadfast rock, as always. I tried to keep our health and happiness top of mind and work through all we could in advance to make our big day spectacular. Along the way, leading up to the wedding itself, we celebrated our fifth anniversary, were showered with love for various events, and both survived our bachelor(ette) outings. Having so much love pour in to celebrate our love made for such a fun filled year, and one big day that I'll never forget. We're officially an us now forever!

Some Travels: Work trips to NYC, Chicago and Minnesota kept me moving in a year in which my job title changed yet again. And while we said we would take the year off travelling to save/prep for our own wedding, we found ourselves taking a big adventure to Thailand to be a part of another beautiful wedding. It was the first time either of us had been to Asia and was literally the farthest from home I've ever been (#SamwiseGamgee) - and I think I'm still processing just how fascinating it was. We also traveled a bit more locally, as we took a brief mini-moon in the days after the wedding and later spent several days down in Chicago while my love ran his second marathon.

Etc: I did a full dive into my closet, which will now have to be redone since I'm back to my tiny bob hair, post-wedding! Reported for jury duty for the first time in my life (and spent a glorious day relaxing in a waiting room). Spent many months wedding planning and feverishly hunting for bargains. Dug deep into our finances as we set our sights on combining. Spent a good deal of time being a recluse. Got caught in my own head and lost for days at a time. Rediscovered my candy addiction but also chipped away at some weight loss leading up to our big day (don't worry, I found it again since lol).

This year, I focused really hard on trying to lay low and keep stress levels minimal, and yet somehow we were rather busy anyways. It seems a strange year to look back on since it was filled with such very high highs and yet also some extreme lulls. It felt very much like a turning point year, and I'm leaving it feeling exhausted and excited. Cheers to the turn of a new decade: the '010s held my 20s, and so the '20s shall hold my 30s, with a new name, and the next chapter in this book that now holds two lead characters instead of just my one. Wishing everyone a brilliant start to the year ahead.

New Year, New List

It's 2019. The last teens I'll see in my lifetime. And instead of pretending that I was motivated at the start of January, I'll be honest and say: I knew I wasn't. So I instead plotted out my goals to 'begin' later. (Why try and force yourself to fail - amirite?)

For the past several years, I've done a little kick off to the year with some overall bits of resolve. No point in letting old habits die now, eh? So here are some of the things I'm aiming for in the next eleven.

1. Hydrate: This is always high on my list. Nothing has changed. I need to do better.
2. Pinch those pennies: Mercifully, I'm debt free, and haven't had to budget too closely for the past few years. But it's time to crack down a bit to save for upcoming expenses. Just to get more of a surplus, since currently I don't have a route to make additional income.*
3. Nip that waistline: Must eat better. Must be more active. It's not that hard, I just need to properly focus and get into it.
4. Unfunk the funk: The winter blues, man, they get me. 
5. Hug the planet : It needs a little TLC. I need to make more little changes to help out with that big old problem of our world going to shit. Finally remembering reusable bags at the grocery store. Walking to work once it's warm out instead of driving. Trying to create less waste in general. One thing I already did: sent an email to several organizations (ones who I've donated to in the past who continue to send me paper mail all the time) and asked to be taken off physical mailing lists and instead be put to email lists - that saves them money and saves ink/paper/time for all.... Basically: we can all do better. We need to do better. There's no excuse to not try and do better.
6. Beauty routine: Besides the whole hydrate/exercise/eat better, getting on a better routine involving vitamins, face masks, fancy shampoo, and figuring out what the hell one is supposed to do with cuticles anyways. For Christmas, I also got one of those fancy rose quartz face rollers - and while I don't believe in the crystal flimflam, I'm all about destressing and depuffing! I've been lucky enough to have good skin, hair, health (mostly), etc. so time to double down and keep it that way. (Off to a good start on this one!)
7. Revel in it: You don't get many chances to plan a big event like a wedding (knock on wood). So I need to make sure to not stress, and just enjoy it - because I really do love this shit. And, I'd dare to say that I'm pretty good at it. 
8. Blue light special: Started this last year but fell out of practice over time. Will go back to doing no screens (TV, phone, laptop, etc.) after 9:30 pm. Back to book reading, general relaxing, etc. Also need to keep my Instagramming averaging under 45 minutes a day - it's been getting up there with the wedding and vacation searches, mustn't let it continue to get out of hand (because holy cow 45 minutes is SO much time - stupid rabbit hole!). 
9. Fix. That. Posture. SERIOUSLY. Quasimodo over here needs to get it together.
10. Hate a bit less: Overall, I'm a generally nice and happy person but... I love talking / thinking smack. It's so invigorating. But, there's enough hate in the world, so I need to focus less on being judgey and more on being positive / ignoring shit I'd normally spend time judging. It's just a waste of my time and efforts on things that just don't matter.**
11. Cut the noise : Speaking of hating less... I Marie Kondo'd my social media and unfollowed a bunch of people (that didn't spark joy - LOL). There are a lot more I need to get rid of, specifically people who just appall me with their behavior. It's like watching a train wreck though - I just can't look away. But I should.*** It would make me a happier person to not constantly be frustrated with the idiots of the world. 
12. Wardrobe wear-out : Started this January 1st. In an effort to see what I really still like to wear - I have to wear it all. Will be detailing this madness in a separate post. 
13. Help the others : Newly engaged? I've got you, boo! I've been doling out Gina's Engagement 101 wisdom by the bucket lately. Because, from what I've seen, all brides-to-be form a pretty badass lady gang. I've been so grateful for all the ones who've reached out, checked in, and helped me out, and I want to do everything I can to put that goodness back out into the world. Like Headmaster Zefron said, "We're all in this together." 
14. Spend more time with family : The one I was born into and the one I chose. Because time is precious and they deserve the best version of me that I can give.

There are a LOT of big changes coming this year. This will sound completely out of character, but: I've been grateful to have a fairly low-key start to 2019 (at least up to this point!). It's given my brain some time to reflect and my attitude some time to get over itself. Change isn't something we're necessarily hardwired to "like," but as a species we wouldn't have made it this far if we hadn't learned to adapt. Hoping some of my little plans above, my little roots, will keep me grounded in the year ahead. Hold strong, little roots! 

Time to take a bite out of 2019!

* IE NO I'm not getting a second job, or a side hustle, or any of that nonsense. I'm quite content just tightening the purse strings a wee bit and am nowhere near desperate enough to pump time into becoming a hustler. For all the "self care" pushing of 2018, there was likewise a shit ton of "hustle" attitude promoted. It was a vicious cycle of people stressing themselves to the point of needing to do actual self-care. So like, is everyone suppose to work fifty jobs, and "do what makes them passionate," and also take time for bubble baths? Kudos to those who attempt to balance all that but, no thanks. Not necessary for me right now. Plenty of other things to care about putting time towards. Already a wonder woman, I don't need to hustle just for hustling sake. And bubble baths stress me out more than anything. 
** Plus, I just feel so quick to anger lately, and frustrated so frequently. And my hating just feeds into that. I also read that it could likely just be a symptom of Depression - which is probably just a suburb of my Anxiety. But I'm not ready to move to the suburbs. I'm comfortable living downtown at the intersection of Panic Parkway and Stress Street, just around the corner from Eagerness Ave - where I curb stomped serenity back in '05 and never looked back. 
*** And honestly - what kind of psycho actually likes watching train wrecks?? Like, I should feel bad about feeding views towards this nonsense. But I guess social media is like Nascar - people only watch for the carnage and to have the loud noise distract them from their own thoughts.

Hindsight Is: 2018 Edition

Holy frickin' cow, 2018. How is it nearly at an end? Literally, I fail to understand time, because she's a cruel mistress. Reading my 2016 and 2017 recaps was a hoot. A fun look back at an often angsty, but mostly doe-eyed past-Gina, and a great way to put this maelstrom year into perspective.

So here's a glance back on the past 365 -

• New Era: This was it. The year that straddled my twenties and thirties. Much the same way a drunken bachelorette straddles a mechanical bull after her fourth shot of tequila, it was both epic and sloppy. I held on for dear life, and despite the inevitable falling, I considered the overall attempt a great success... 2018 was an ongoing celebration as many dear friends likewise turned the big 3-Oh. The friend crew really stepped up the adulthood levels once crossing the thirty line, with an onslaught of new houses bought, new babies birthed, and new marriages celebrated.*  There was also a wave of grad parties, as my little cousins become not so little anymore and as friends have continued to check off advanced degrees. So many changes. Bowie would've been proud (RIP).
• Personal Adult Points Peak: 2018 was tops in my own personal adulting, as well. Besides having officially survived my twenties (it was touch-and-go for a bit there), I also finally crossed the threshold and became completely debt free. And, after soapboxing for over four years about how we were plenty happy as we were thankyouverymuch, we finally decided to put a ring on it and got engaged!** And, we're definitely not pregnant so cheers for not catching that particular cootie just yet! Besides those big moments on the personal front, I also was promoted again at work, twice. AND I joined a book club. So, I'm one glass of wine away from 40 and a mini van at this point. Go team! 
• Turn On: It was another year for watching the world unfold. The Winter Olympics. The World Cup. I finally watched The Office (I hate Jim - yes, there will be a rant about it some day). I voyaged back to Middle Earth with my sis, to watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (extended editions) in theaters once more. I rewatched all of Game of Thrones in anticipation of the upcoming finale. Beyond the silver screens, I saw plenty of action IRL, as well. An epic opening concert by The Killers at the new venue in MKE. A standout Summerfest show by Chromeo. Visits to the local theater, ballet, and symphony. Chuck full of culture, that 2018!
• Tune In: While everyone in 2018 was all about "saying no more" - I took that as a load of crap and tried to say yes more. Yes to meeting up with old friends. Yes to that extra phone call with a family member. Yes to giving a shit about people and your relationships to them, instead of just only focusing on yourself. I especially tried to stay in touch better with friends who don't live in close proximity. Hosted various friends (and groups) throughout the year, showed up for some birthday parties out of town, met up with people while in NYC for work, made a point to grab lunch or a drink when someone was passing through town (even if it was an airport lounge cocktail), attended a large reunion with my social group from college - overall just SHOWED UP (as much as I could - sorry for the times I couldn't manage). 2018 was about laughing with and learning from as many people as I could. 
• Drop Out: There was a huge rift in the middle of this year, as the beau's dad passed away suddenly in July (the day before my 30th birthday). It was truly a black hole that just sucked the light out of us. The support from friends and family was overwhelming, and we were more grateful than ever for having everyone, despite us taking a good deal of time to disconnect. Social media, blogging, all this fringe stuff is just so unimportant when you've got a bigger, life changing situation going on. A lot of things took a back burner while we tried to adjust to the upside down. As they should have. 
• Aboard AF: After several years of traveling domestically together, we finally made the leap abroad. This year we had quite a few epic adventures across the pond, visiting the Faroe Islands, Copenhagen, Iceland, London, Paris and Dublin. It'd been ten years (way too long of a hiatus!) since I'd last had a proper Eurotrip, and I'd been itching for the return to foreign languages, fabulous public transit, and delicious bread. It was also nice to see that the beau and I could travel well together in a more foreign setting. And hey, we got engaged in Paris, so now we will always have an excuse to return there (yas!). 
• Etc: Loved and lost a kitchen couch that rocked my world. Voted - twice - because primaries matter. Met our neighborhood graffiti artist. Finally went to the eye doc, dentist, and regular doc all within a 12 month span - hit that hat trick for the first time in way too long. Got over the Sunday Slump. Built more IKEA furniture than I have in a lifetime. Surfed various waves of anxiety. Spent a lot of time with family, as my grandma's house was fully cleared out and sold. Was a major spectathlete at the beau's SIXTEEN races this year - he put on over a thousand miles and ran his first full marathon in NYC. 

The year ahead is sure to be a busy one, and I won't make it out of it single. There are still plenty of big ch-ch-changes to come on the home front. The twenties felt like a decade of constant evolution, with a perpetual state of movement and few stationary points. This new decade feels like more permanent changes are afoot. Changes with longer term consequences. The fun and games aren't over, now it just feels less like the Hunger Games and more like chess. We've got to be three moves ahead and see a little further into the future, it's not just about surviving this moment, or living day by day. 2019 will kick that all off - may the odds still be ever in our favor.

2018: What a frickin' whirlwind!

* Though, this year there were only three weddings attended. A far cry from the eight-each-year pace we had been running at. It's official: a big chunk of us are "settled" -- HOW bizarre! Time for some renewing of vows, divorce parties, or something, because I'm already lamenting the lack of drunken dancing and playing dress up!
** Sorry in advance if you hate wedding talk - but, I frickin' love it. So, you can expect to see plenty more soul-searching and overly dramatic posts about wedding planning in 2019. If you want to tune out for those, I'll forgive ya. Shall try not to rabble too much about it.
*** Six of my top ten trafficked posts were in 2018 - and yet I had three months of radio silence to repay you all. Sorry, that's just the way it goes. Thanks for continuing to come back! 

(What) About Me

Here it is. It's coming. It can't be stopped and it's now less than a week away. That tiny little identity crisis in which I can no longer be trendy and call myself a "twenty something." That's right, it's finally here: 30.

NO, I'm not all that worried. I've gotten a lot of questions in the past 360 days about anything I wish I'd have done before "turning." You know, as if 30 is literally the grave (or I change into a werewolf??) and this was it, my last chance to make something of my life. Each time someone has commented, I usually had a retort along the lines of, "Yeah, I mean, on Wednesday I'm going to skip work, snort some coke and go BASE jumping, but after that I'm all set."

Like, what was I supposed to have done in my 20s that I can't do later? Be childish and irresponsible? Pfft, did that* - and plenty of people still do that in their 30s. Looking back on the past decade, I really don't feel like I "missed out" on anything. I mean, sure, regrets? I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention.... IE I did NOT regret all the Frank Sinatra I listened to...

Seriously though, I consider myself very fortunate. I'm skidding into 30 with some wonderful friends and family in my life, a beau who seems generally on board with my madness, a good job, no debt, and a pocketful of experiences (good and bad, at home and abroad) that have helped me smile, learn, and grow. True, it hasn't all gone exactly "to plan" but, sometimes life is more like an IKEA purchase with missing instructions: you'll still end up with a table, even if it's not quite what it looks like on the box, and you'll likely consult the internet along the way to figure out if it seems right but then just say "fuck it" and start guessing til it works.

What's my age again??

BUT, I digress...

What I'm really struggling with is not the actual transition. I'm satisfied with my semi-gray metamorphosis and continuation of general badassery as I launch into the big 3-Oh. What I am struggling with is nailing down an exact "definition" of where I'm at right now. Because, it's probably finally time to update my "About Me" page....

That's right, the About Me for this little blog. That solitary little time capsule of a post. I purposefully wrote it to avoid needing maintenance, over three years ago, and only popped back to read it a few times since. Knowing that this would be the point that it may need sprucing.

A little snapshot. Like a wayback machine for me.

As you can see, it's still my 'voice' overall, but after three years of tinkering on GTTP, I think it's time to refine a bit. OR, maybe not. Maybe that's still just perfectly accurate and I should be thrilled that I'm nothing if not consistent, and accept that really not a lot has changed to my overall personality and that page is still fairly spot on. So for the next week, I'll be racking my brain, deciding on if I need to make changes or if I'm still just me.

To be honest, I don't trust bloggers who constantly update their "About Me" page. Like, who are you and why are you telling me how to live my life if you can't even figure out your own self out? Yes, we all change and evolve (blah blah, good good), but as a whole, when it comes down to your persona, I honestly don't think people change that much. Sure, you may change jobs or cities or relationship statuses, but that's just putting yourself in different place or by different people, your disposition usually remains the same.** At least, after a certain point, you know, like maybe... thirty. 

* And thank goodness I stopped going at that "live it up" pace of my early twenties, or like, I'd probably be dead. Zero sleep, being irresponsible, and borderline alcoholism just aren't sustainable. 

** Unless you're one of those people who just chameleons to whoever is around you and isn't good at having any character of your own. Someone who mirrors and doesn't have any original thoughts/actions. Don't worry, we've all been there before. I tried that out in my twenties... thank goodness those twenties are just a phase! But in the meantime, like... go do you. 

What's in a weekend?

Hello, friends. It's been awhile. With several dozen half finished posts lurking in the depths of the interwebs, and a lack of inspiration to wrap that shit up, I figured I'd just pop up a little highlight reel of this past weekend for ya. (I know, it feels like a cheat to me too, but I just miss y'all, and don't want you to think I've died somewhere.)

Mercifully, the winter months are fairly unscheduled and not crazy packed. This is my hibernation period to prep for my psychotic social butterflying of the warm months. So, what does a lazy winter weekend look like? 

Friday

Another day of crushing it in the office. And by crushing it, I mean, I hadn't gone grocery shopping in a week (we're trying to eat down our freezer) and refused to let myself go out for lunch (#walrus) so ended up eating the handful of Cocoa Puffs I found in my drawer, and almost an entire bag of jelly beans. Beyond food choices, it was end of quarter prep and frantic Friday scurrying to hit month end budgets. You know, the exciting life of a digital product manager. 

Post work, dashed home and tried on approximately thirty outfits while the beau gave helpful feedback like "You look pretty" and "Your butt looks nice." And off we went to his mom's boyfriend's retirement party. Luckily, at his mom's retirement shindig, I'd insisted on making friends with all the fabulous female lawyers, so while the beau was getting showed off by his ma, I had some boss ladies to wine and dine with. 

As the evening progressed, I also decided to join up for the March for Our Lives the next day. Upon returning home, I went to the closet with my rally poster tagboard, markers, and stencils. And I sighed a great sigh that protests are so commonplace. And then I got to work.

Retirement celebrations and getting out the soapbox.

Saturday

Since the beau was working, I rose with the sun and went to mall walk with my sister. Yes, we're basically 95 years old, and no, I don't care. After getting in five miles and a shit ton of chitchat, I sped my way back downtown and straight to the march. I intercepted the beau's ma and her friend and we worked our way to the starting point. There, we heard empowered young voices, eloquently demanding change. It was inspiring and terribly sad. I hope that by the time I have children, they won't have to be the protesters of tomorrow. I hope the world will quit sucking by then... I've always been a bit of an optimist.

So, per usual, if there's something to be angry about, and a chance to throw my voice into the hurling masses, count me in. I have opinions and love a peaceful protest. Thus, we marched. And just as we were about to hit the end of the march route, I gave some hugs and made a mad dash back to my car. I was already running late for brunch.

Brunch was a fabulous birthday celebration with some more powerhouse women in my life. Many cocktails, much merriment. Several incidents of flying potatoes and random egg sputtering about. Laughs were had by all. By the time one o'clock rolled around, I had already put on seven miles and my heart had grown three sizes (much like the Grinch, only, like, it had started out pretty full already). 

With a few hours before the beau's return, I quickly finished up rewatching West World. (Since I really don't watch TV unless we're both watching something, and he hates rewatching things, it takes weeks for me to wrap things up, so this had been a month-long undertaking.) When he got home, it was long run day (as he preps for his next half marathon, leading up to the NYC Marathon this fall), so I cleaned, worked out, and cooked up dinner. We watched an episode of The Office while we ate (working our way slowly through the series, which I've never seen) and I retired early to go read my book for book club. (You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein - aka my inner monologue published under someone else's name.) 

Gun control, portion control, all the things. 

Sunday

Since I can't really sleep in anymore (thanks, daily 7am meetings for work), the day started with laundry at dawn. While waiting, I prepped tablescapes for Passover Seder, wrote a few letters, read, and updated our trip itinerary doc. Trip prep has been a big theme lately, even though we're a couple months out. We've got flights, hotels, and rental cars booked. I've got Copenhagen pretty well laid out, and a long list of stops for the Faroe Islands, now we just need to plot the best plan to see everything efficiently. 

After the beau was up and laundry was folded, we walked to a nearby microbrewery and grabbed breakfast burgers. It's member appreciation month for the Film Club we're in, so we snagged a discount, which was nice. Then it was on to grocery shopping, and a venture out to the suburbs for hiking boot shopping (again, trip prep). As the afternoon approached, I settled in for a nap and the beau hit up the streets for another run. 

I awoke sweaty and hangry, a deadly combo. The radiators had been blasting us all day, and with my stomach in revolt, I viciously chomped the heads off of animal crackers for an hour, while watching a documentary about amphetamines and America's ongoing prescription drug problem. (You know, something light.) Then it was back to the to-do list and exercise, while the beau tapped into the latest Jessica Jones. 

Reading by the morning light; burgers for life. 

And here I am, writing up this blog post as the weekend comes to a close. A nice chill weekend, with a fair amount of productivity, and I'm happy as a clam. Usually by this point in the winter, I'm a total mess of anxiety, and am borderline depressed, scratching at the walls to be free and living my best summer-social-life. But, oddly enough, right now, I'm just plain content. A little hanger, and some crankiness from time to time, sure. All in all though, the weather is decent, my taxes are done (with limited struggle), we have a vacation looming, and really, spring is almost sprung. So, cheers to only a few more weeks of chill weekends. Summer scramble, we're fucking coming for ya! *game face, on!*

Gonna Kick Until I Need New Shoes

This is it. 2018 has officially arrived. With the chiming in of a new year, I raised a glass specifically with three dear friends to toast us in particular, as we enter into what will be our 30th year. The other revelers we were with had already crossed the threshold, but there we were, four fools, still in our 20s, toasting to life and ready for more.

Livin' that dream, stuck between 28 and 30.

The big 3-0 is still many months off in what will be a divided year for me. 2018 straddles my second vs third decade of life, so it's bound to be a year of self-created chaos, reflection, and debauchery. As such, I figured I should put down a few little anchors for myself. I've done the resolution thing some years, and tried for smaller monthly objectives in others. This year, I figured a few general guidelines and some specific to-do's wouldn't go amiss.

1. Check my credit score: like an adult.
2. Become debt free: only a few thousand bucks on my car stands between me and unshackling my burden. Could pay it off immediately, but will let this low interest loan trickle down - at least until we've nailed down vacation plans (and costs) for the year. For sure before my birthday. 
3. Get back to and maintain "base" weight: without letting the summer slide balloon me back up to walrus mode. This equates to losing about the weight of the holiday goose the beau cooked up the other day (#becausegoose) and keeping it off for all of 2018. Anything beyond that would really just be a bonus. 
4. Vacation like a boss: tentative travel plans for the years include: Vegas, Faroe Islands, Copenhagen, a few pop-downs to Chicago, and if I can swing it, another bout in NYC. 
5. Be a boss lady: time to decide what my next position at work should be. Movin' on up, friends! Gotta make those boss lady decisions and figure out which direction to go (and support my fellow boss ladies in the process). 
6. Maintain blogging pace: for the past three years, this little bloggie has been averaging about 2+ posts a month. With the summer dip (in which life is crazy busy and I neglect the internet entirely), that sounds about right. I could lie and say I'll increase my posting, but. Lies. We don't lie to each other on here.
7. Shower mindfully: speaking of nighttime zen, I plan to take more candlelit showers as night. Also, to take shorter showers. A hot shower is fab in the winter, but those long liquid blasts of heat also really dry out your skin. And, it uses up a lot of water as well, so, mother earth and all.



Part "E.T. Phone Home," part Bates Motel

8. Declutter: specifically underneath the beds in our apartment. If I can continue to purge junk throughout the year, like normal, and attack the stuff squirreled away under the beds. It'll be a win all around. 
9. Book it: must book appointments for both dental and eye check-ups. Mustn't skip it. 
10. Call: because the last iOS update was a personal attack on slider phones, texting has become a pain in the ass. Back to good old fashioned telephone calls. 
11. Shut down: no internets after 9:30 pm. Nothing is so important that it can't wait, and this gal needs some end of day zen time (maybe that'll give me time to read the next Outlander book).
12. Drink: water. Like it's going out of style.
13. Listen: to more Mika. Seriously, his music always makes me smile. That'll get me back on my French music track as well, which is always a good time. 
14. Turn 30 gracefully: we'll see how that goes. But at this moment: I'm nothing but excited. 

Beyond this short list, my top goal is to stay feisty. It's easy to grow complacent. It's easy to be bitter. It's easy to hate. One must stay lively. Be determined. Keep fighting until love wins. Kick down every barrier to happiness. Prove that age is just a number, and badassery is timeless.

So. Let's go team. Let's keep kickin' it in 2018.*


* Kick ass. Kick the dust off this old town. Kick the patriarchy square in the balls. Kick a bad habit. Get a kick in the pants and get out there. Get a kick out of living. Get your kicks. Don't get kicked to the curb, or be dragged kicking and screaming into the new year. Whatever you do, just be alive and kicking! (I think you get the point.)

Hindsight Is: 2017 Edition

Here we are again, looking back at another year gone by. My oh my, dear friends, was it another doozy! Looking back at my 2016 reflection, I had to laugh. 2016 was an exceptional year, which I exited out of feeling really pissed. The state of the union was a real drag leading into 2017, and that shit-storm sort of loomed throughout. But beyond that, there was a lot of awesome stuff that went down.

So, let's take a little stroll down memory lane, and see how 2017 did right by me and what occupied my time these past 365....

• Soapboxing: Give me some markers, a piece of tagboard, and something to be enraged about and let me loose! This was definitely a year of shouting from the rooftops and Norma Rae'ing about. From the Women's March in January to the March for Science in April, there were a lot of beautiful voices trying to be heard. 
• Love was in the air: It was another headliner year of stellar weddings, with eight more "I Do"s witnessed. So many nuptial shenanigans were had. Also got my jam on at a variety of bachelorette parties - from a bloody/brunch crawl, to a waterpark/cabin adventure in the Dells, to a very memorable stint in Vegas (which my liver is probably still recovering from). 
• Wanderlust fulfilled: Travel is my lifeblood, and 2017 didn't disappoint. February had a week in Florida to explore the Disneyworld parks and of course Harry Potter World at Universal (which I will never pass up). Had a good old fashioned gal's trip to the Grand Canyon and Vegas (for the aforementioned bachelorette) in June. In August we returned to visit my heart, in that concrete jungle where dreams are made of - and extended my work trip to NYC into a vacation up the coast to Boston. Mini trips were taken closer to home, as well. I used mead to lure the beau to his first MN Renaissance Festival and pure enthusiasm to get him to the House on the Rock for the first time. 
• Family time: Many a cousin pub crawl was had. One which also allowed me to refine those zombie makeup skills I started learning in 2016 (see? useful!). There was a lot of family time around the final cleanup of my dear grandma's house as well, which lead to much bonding over eye drops from the eighties and the other junk we all keep. Extended family kicked in as well in November, with a combined Thanksgiving of my immediate family and the beau's fam (major adult points). 
• Boss lady: This year I created a new role, and convinced everyone that I deserved to have it.* It's been a challenge but it keeps things interested and has helped me grow. I'm constantly learning new strategies and even if it's frustrating at times, it's also weirdly rewarding. That promotion also came with a new title, a raise, and later a bonus. A badass year for business, bitches!
• Showtime: Many great movies were seen, much television was consumed. Also, we hit up several live events as well: we rocked out to Diana Ross, laughed our butts off at Alton Brown, and held back tears / the desire to give her a big hug at Hillary Clinton.
• Socialest of butterflies: Between hosting and attending, there was almost never a dull moment. Happy hours and going away parties. Housewarmings and coolings. Derby day, wine and cheese parties, Passover Seder, a Paella birthday bash, Friendsgivnakkuh, and taverns of the paddle and pedal variety. 
• Etc: Beyond the above, plenty of other things went down as well. I was a spectathlete extraordinaire for the 13 races the beau ran this year. Got my DNA test done! Did my own taxes. Finished up root canal number two. Hit and ran past my three year anniversary with the beau. Worked my way through various bouts of anxiety. Played hooky.

Overall, I can't complain. 2017 was my last full year of my twenties, and the big 3-0 is just around the corner. So, 2018, since you get to straddle this big decade divide, you sure better not disappoint! Hope you all have wonderful kickoff. See you on the other side!

2017 was kind of like me and this squirrel:
we were cool with each other but like, not BFFs.

* If anyone needs a career cheerleader or a fire lit under their ass, let me know, because I'm very adamant about women stepping up, grabbing that job success ladder, and climbing like hell, and I'm happy to discuss! (In fact, I probably won't shut up, but that's a different thing.)

The '017 Files: June: Breaka Breaka

As 2017 rolled into view, I made a decision to buckle down and become more "goal-oriented" in my daily. Each month, I wrote up a new set of to-do's and evaluated how I'd done the month prior. As June approached though, I hit that most annoying feeling: exhaustion.

It's not as if I was setting extremely laborious goals for myself. They weren't out of reach, and many of them were just centered around life improvements that I should be making anyway. BUT something about having a list for life bothered me. Having a bucket list never bothered me. Having goals and deadlines at work never bothered me. But the more months I plotted out a list for myself, the more it started to irk me. Everything just felt like such an obligation.

Maybe it's just a temporary feeling because of the ramp up in summertime busy-ness. Or a spillover in exhaustion from my work life that makes me want to shake a stick at any form of productivity in my non-work hours. Or that I wasn't focusing on the right type of goals for myself to bring joy (or whatever goals are supposed to do). Regardless, as June arrived, I decided it was time for a hiatus.

For the past month, I haven't even opened up this little blog, because for some reason, it stressed me out, too. Maybe my postpartum* struck two years after giving birth to it, because I didn't even want to think about it. I've been a bad mother to GTTP this past month.

And you know what... it's okay. There is so much pressure these days to maintain every form of communication, every social channel, to post every day-to-day moment. There's pressure to live fabulous lives to fill those channels with, and to keep up on everyone else's channel, too. I had a freak-out a month back that I'd not kept up with viewing Instagram stories and had MISSED something. Because it expires in 24 hours, so you HAVE to keep up with it.

But no you don't.

None of it really matters. It's great to pass the time. To check in on friends. To oogle the lives of beautiful strangers. But, dear friends, there's a big world out there to be enjoying beyond that.** Even if you don't Instagram every minute of it, that doesn't mean you didn't live it. Taking a month away (in which, to be honest, I did still liberally Insta my life) to not be so plugged in - it was good for the soul.

So here it is. My goals for the rest of the summer, that I hope to follow based on my experiences in June:

• Don't check my phone after 9:30 pm (except to set alarms / see if I have any last minute meetings added to my work calendar that would make me have to get up earlier) - they say the blue light messes with your sleep anyways, so maybe this'll help me sleep better too on accident
• Only 30 minutes max each night of random Insta/FB scrolling. (Thank goodness I never fell to far down the Youtube watching wormhole.)
• Unfollow a few more people on social media. Too much clutter. Need to focus. 
• No browsing on the internet while having conversations. OH my goodness, it's so awful. I realized the other day how often I do that and it is really just kind of sad. And so rude. And I need to cut that habit entirely. I don't need to keep up that badly that I can't be fully invested in a conversation happening right in front of my face.
• Spend more time writing. Because even though blogging wasn't on my mind, storytelling sure was. It's an outlet that I love. And I have SO many things to share. May as well put them "to paper" here!
• Make time for people. Don't just say you'll make plans, make them. 
• Make time for myself. Don't just say you'll relax and enjoy some free time to read a book and lazy about, do it. 

So, friends. If anything super exciting happens this summer - if you have a baby, or get engaged, or buy a house, or adopt a dog, or have an epic vacation, or eat an amazing sandwich that I should definitely go get to eat too - please point it out to me next time I see you. Because I may miss it on the interwebs... #SorryNotSorry.

Promise I'm not ghosting you. Just out there living.

* Promise I'm not trying to make light of postpartum here. Postpartum is serious shit and absolutely horrifying. 
** Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're here to share a little bit of my world. But if you've got other plans and don't have time to hang out with me anymore, it's cool. I don't mind. We're still good. I still love ya. You'll come visit if you find the time, no worries.

The '017 Files: May

You know what they say, April showers bring May flowe--- HOLY COW I am SO ready for summertime! Here is hoping that this chilly rain (which has been nice enough to bring beautiful flowers, no doubt) subsides soon and morphs into those summer nights soon. I could stand to start summering in May.

Here's a quick look back on how it went for the April goal list before I jump into May...
Habit Forming

• Exercise tracking / ramping up the running: Was super dedicated in week one and in the last few days of the month, but my random tooth infection and the surrounding madness really threw me off on caring about exercise at all, unfortunately.  is coming back. Must ramp up walking/jogging/running with the 5k coming in May.
• Seven flights a day: Almost hit the mark on this one, but again, wasn't very active for the weeks surrounding my head exploding tooth pain. 
• Nail polish: Crushed it. My nails were poppin' all month long! #BossLady

"Big Goals"

• Hit the mark:
• The Seder tablescape (not to toot my own horn) was a thing of legend (toot toot), as was the evening itself (#MosesLovesMezcal).
• Put up ONE (of promised two) new FB album - captions take too long.
• Book = finished. Next book in the series = half done.
• Started cleaning up typewriters and "know a guy" to help with the ribbons and repair, so that's a major victory in the works!
• Saw so many old friends, and it made my heart smile. Thanks for still being their, peeps, even after all these years of chaos!
• Swing and a miss:
• Passports, WHY do I fail at getting you!?
• Still massively adding to the basket bound for the Women's Shelter.
• Rolly cart was not yet spraypainted: delay of game due to rain.
• Ten blog posts = major fail. Sure, I did finish three. And have about a dozen half done. But sorry don't feed the bulldog, sweetie! All the work stress and teeth time, plus a ramp up in socialization, and I just could not get into the zone for writing. 

Overall, April was wonderfully busy. Which is something I desperately missed but also wore me the hell out. This month was also my BLOGIVERSARY! This lil guy is two years old. So let's hope it behaves itself going into the terrible twos!

Make a wish!

Next up on the goal list... Mayday mayday mayday!!
Habit Forming

• Exercise log: This is going to be essential for both our 5k this month and to get this walrus to squeeze into the itsy bitsy bikini for Vegas the first week of June! 
• More music in the workplace: I've had my nose so close to the grindstone the past few months (while working to get my... promotion! Which finally becomes official this month - Yay!) that I'm starting to burn out a bit. Need to rejigger to have fewer meetings and work time where I can put on some jams and go kick butt.
• Walking and watering: Vegas prep! I don't plan on going into the desert to die. 
• Chill the fuck out: But seriously. Must keep calm and carry on.
• Quit eating like a college kid: Takeout and Easy Mac aren't acceptable on this large of a scale anymore. Need to dial that shit back. 
• Ten minute daily clean: little cleans, to make big cleans swifter. 

"Big Goals"

• Derby Prep: Figure out if I want to make another new hat and where I want to go drink my juleps to celebrate my favorite sporting event of the year.
• Closet: Paint, reorg and assess my closet and dressers. Need to do a full inventory on clothes so I'm ready for summer trips, weddings, life, etc. 
• Carry on: Put up another FB photo album. Finish my book. Get up some blog posts. 
• Old school: Send off at least three letters to friends. 
• Give the gift: I need to make sure I don't totally fail on getting gifts for Mother's Day and for my third anniversary with the beau. Let's be real, I've already got stellar cards picked out, but just need to make sure my gifts don't suck.

With work and life so busy lately, I've been trying extra hard to keep down that bubbling anxiety. The distractions have been plentiful, and the beau and family so very supportive, but these rainy days and dental woes have made the past month a bit funked up. Excited to give my endorphins a wake up call and hit the ground running for this last month of spring.