What to do when you get engaged... BESIDES wedding planning

You've got the ring, the witty announcement is smeared all over social media, and you're officially a card-carrying fiancé. Time to immediately plan the wedding, right? WELL, yes, a few things you do need to nail down and discuss right away in relation to planning, but in general, I'd argue that there are a few other things you need to start on right away that are equally as important as the in-the-weeds planning bits. Because remember, you're dealing with a finite amount of time before the big day!

Note : there are certain things I had every intention of doing right away, that I've put on this list, that I definitely flopped and flayed at. So, you know, hindsight is 20/20 and just know yourself and your own discipline. Also, for those busy couples: I've added a "TL;DR" to each point.

1. Discuss and decide on wedding basics
• Where and what size? In your city of residence? A hometown? Elsewhere? Big, small, or destination? Church vs courthouse? Country vs city? Before you go into the next bullet, have a general idea on whereabouts / scale.
• But really... what size? Each of you make a list, separately, of all the people who are a MUST for attendance at your wedding (you can denote some "maybes," as well, if you're struggling). Then compare lists. Anyone who is on both lists is an automatic yes, anyone who isn't goes straight to the maybe list. Now see what that number is and go back to the first bullet and see if it's reasonable. If your list is 300 people and you wanted to get married in a tiny lighthouse on the coast, well, you need to reconsider. 
• Time of year? Think about what you want and what goes best with what you were thinking for location. We live in Wisconsin, so, winter snow would have been a logistics nightmare. If you want a destination wedding to a tropical island, make sure it's not hurricane season. If you're a teacher and don't want to take vacation time for a honeymoon right after, then aim for summer. (Also, if you really want to take that honeymoon immediately after, make sure it's a good season for your desired destination, too.)
• Why does the above matter right away? Because it will give you a good idea of how long you've got to plan (if it's fall and you want it the upcoming spring, get a move on!) AND how much your wedding might be on the cost spectrum, plus how long you'll have to save money, which leads into item two.
• TL;DR: deciding generally the "who, when, where" will tip off every other discussion point for planning.


Talk money


• If you haven't discussed finances with your partner before getting engaged...erm... maybe have a very in-depth and serious talk about it before you even announce your engagement to everyone? Because money can really expose some awful or wonderful things, and they can both have a huge impact on your relationship.
• Look at your finances right this minute* and think how much you're both willing to pay towards a wedding. Do you have other major financial goals so want to keep it small? Is this the thing you've been saving for all these years anyways, so go big or go home? Based on ONLY the money you two have, decide what kind of wedding you want to afford. (And decide immediately if you're willing to take on any additional debt to make your vision come true.) Be on the same page before talking to anyone else about wedding finances. 
• Then have the awkward convo with family if you're hoping to have any additional funding from parents, etc. Be frank with them and get a solid commitment on an amount/percent/contributing element/whatever. If anyone sounds wishy-washy, don't count their money toward your budget. If it happens to come in then, great, but you won't have been relying on it to cover basics.**
• Now reassess that vision, and adjust based on financials, if needed. As a couple, know where you want your money to be going and get a plan. Once you go to start looking into venue options, food, etc, you'll quickly figure out how realistic )or unrealistic) vision vs price tags are. Before you put money down on ANYTHING, be sure you've got the big picture cost in mind compared to your budget.
• Money tip during planning: each partner should define what their number one most important element of the day is (the perfect dress? an open bar? a great photographer?) and those are the only two things that you're allowed to stress and splurge on. Everything else, save as much as you can on because those elements just aren't as important. 


Decide how to pay for everything


• Do you want to open a joint checking account and each dump x amount into it and only pay with a debit card? Or, get a joint credit card with a really good rewards system (hello, cash back and airline miles!)? Or, have each of you split spending from your own accounts? Pick what works best for you as a couple and stick to it.
• A budget spreadsheet is king. Track every little wedding related thing you spend on, and don't forget to add the "I saw these diamond ring paper clips and I thought they'd be cute for vendor tips" type shit too - because it all adds up! It's the only way to get a true scope of what you're putting towards this event. And if you have a tight budget to stick to, you can't afford (literally) to not see where funds are going.
• TL;DR: know where your money is going and be on the same page about how it gets there.


Get a communication plan


• Make a joint email account for all wedding related / vendor communication
• Gather up your spreadsheets (former brides and online resources, FTW!)
• Plan out with your partner how to tackle to-dos. I wish we'd have approached this in a more organized way - I had a lot of checklists, don't get me wrong, but I could've done better about communicating expectations for what the beau should be working on (and WHEN it needed to be done by).
• Decide how often you want to "talk wedding" -- right up front it will be a LOT of wedding stuff, as you lock in the big vendors and make those first major decisions. But after that, it doesn't need to be everyday, or you'll both go crazy. I drove the beau nuts at various points, because I was constantly being bombarded, so it was always on my mind, and it's not good. Especially if you have a longer engagement - space it out.
• Figure out how to communicate vision out to vendors/bridal party, too. A streamlined Pinterest board with a few key focal points, a day-of timeline in a Google Sheet, etc.
• TL;DR: Decide how to track shit and stick to it!


Hydrate and Sleep!


• Proper hydration improves mood, can help prevent overheating, keeps your brain working properly, makes your skin healthier, and just does all the good things. Focus on it throughout the engagement (and life!).
• Proper sleep has sooo many benefits, I can't even begin to list. Most importantly: it will help keep you in a better mood during what will be a stressful period in your life of major changes and major planning. 
• TL;DR: If you're not already on track, hydrating properly and getting enough sleep should become your number one "treat yo'self" objectives!


Get ready to run the full gamut of emotions


• Be prepared for an outpouring of love... and a lot of disappointment.
• It will amaze and fill you with so much joy when you see how many people are excited for your new adventure. Even people who aren't invited will show such kindness and genuine happiness and it will make your heart want to explode. 
• You will also get to experience a horrible, nostalgic sadness when you realize which people you envisioned being a part of your celebration years ago, who you're no longer close with. 
• There will be people who you imagined on the dance floor, or sharing a toast with, but who won't be able to attend due to family situations, financial limitations, physical distance, etc. And you'll have to accept that it's just one day, and not everyone will chose to be there for it, even if you invite them.
• You'll feel frustration with vendors, or family. And you'll feel elated when you see things start to come together. 
• Get ready to cry from joy, from stress, from those lingering thoughts of your grandma not being there as you walk down the aisle, from the look on your mom's face when she sees your dress for the first time, from the letters you wrote to ask your best gals to be bridesmaids, and everything in between. My face has been flowing like Niagara Falls these past ten months!
• You may also turn into a cold, hard bitch at times. And you know what, it's your right to be adamant about how you want things done. If you're like me, you'll find ample apologies. 
• TL;DR: Be ready to own up to all those emotions and just ride that wave, baby! And as always : check yourself.


Exercise, now, don't wait


• Endorphins. They make you happy. You need that for the stress.
• If you have some specific fitness level in mind for you to feel like your best self on the day of your nuptials, then start working immediately. Time is only on your side for a bit, until it's not. (Remind your mama of this, as well, if she needs to hear it, so she's not frustrated when trying on dresses later.)
• Even if you don't have a specific goal, it's nice to be as healthy and fit as possible when officially kicking off your 'new life together,' right? So, get in more steps, or do a ten minute workout video three times a week, or something. 
• Be realistic. Know yourself and how much time/energy you're willing to commit. If your body wears stress heavily, don't push yourself to a breakdown. Instead, commit to something small and keep consistent. And if you want to really hit it (bless your heart), then make sure you're carving out that time for yourself in among the rest, and prioritize your goal!
• Dress tip: pick one that you'll be comfortable in based on the body you have, not the body you dream of getting (unless you've got mad willpower, then good for you!). Make sure you'll be comfortable - so if there's a part of your bod you feel self-conscious about, don't pick a dress that accents it! Confidence is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear! 
• TL;DR: make smart fitness goals and chip away over time.


Plot out long-term beauty plan items


• Want flowing long hair? Start growing it out and taking vitamins now! Or look into extensions (factor in your budget) if you know you won't have time. And get that fancy shampoo to keep your luscious locks in primo condition.
• Want teeth whitening or straightening? Straightening takes time, so get to your dentist! Whitening you can just go with toothpaste or ramp it up with strips or at the dentist office. Decide how you want to approach it.
• Start a moisturizing routine: keep that skin looking nice! Get special under-eye cream if you want to attack that area.
• Have scars that you don't want showing? Get on that Mederma! It takes weeks to be fully effective but really works awesome!
• SUNSCREEN! No one wants awkward tan lines. Make sure you're taking care of your skin and being cautious of sun exposure. 
• Get on a vitamin regime and/or make sure you're adjusting what you're eating to get you to a good place physically. Tip top shape, y'all!
• Weekly facemasks, hair masks, the occasional foot soak, taking care of your nails, limiting your alcohol consumption, going vegetarian a few days a week: whatever ongoing goodies you need to feel your best, get the cycle going!
• TL;DR: if you've been treating your bod like crap, it's a big ship to turn so start turning it now! Stay healthy to keep happy!

Sunburn? Not today, Satan!




Focus on your fucking posture (she said, angry at herself)


• No one wants to be slouchy in all their photos. And posture takes a long time and a lot of work to correct, so get started! 
• There are tons of videos online about posture stretches. Make sure your desk is set up properly (and get up out of your chair at work as often as you can!). Focus on standing/sitting up straighter in general. Be cautious of your Netflix-binge posture. 
• Warning: I started with this one really aggressively and ended up straining my chest muscles to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack (that's a story for another day). So, ease into it, just like other forms of working out! Muscles need time to adapt.
• TL;DR: don't be a bridal Quasimodo!


Protect your time


• I am allllll about saying yes to things. A full calendar is a happy calendar, in my mind. But, during your engagement, don't overbook yourself. Especially if you're doing all the planning by yourself, you're going to be busy and stressed, and sometimes you're just going to want to lay on the couch and stare at a wall and not talk to anyone. Let yourself. Schedule time for planning, schedule time for relaxing : make them priorities. Keep yourself running at a sustainable pace.
• That also means protecting time with your partner. You two are in this together, so spend time together. Keep nurturing that relationship and remember that it's the reason for all the stress, so protect it above all else. 
• TL;DR: clear up that calendar and relax.


Get your DIY gameface on
• If you plan to DIY, start mentally preparing. Figure out who your crafty friends are so you can borrow stuff (or time) from them. Sign up for every email newsletter you can from craft stores and get ready to roll in those coupons! 
Smile and feel that joy


• If you're lucky, you only get married once. So, before the planning frenzy, and throughout, take some time just to be excited. Take a second to think about having found your person and let that shit-eating-grin sit on your face a bit longer than necessary.

Yes, there will come a point were wedding planning is the big thing you dive in on. But getting started with the things above, and keeping consistent with some of them throughout, can help keep you grounded. And can make sure you don't go "aw shit, I wish I'd have started this sooner!" Remember: engagement is finite. It's a very small window of time during one's life. So, keeping grounded is key.

Anything I missed in my list that you wish you'd have done right away after getting engaged??

* DON'T look at your money in terms of what amount you could save up to the point of the wedding, because you can't guarantee that income will keep coming in or some other major crisis won't come up. Extra saving you do is great, but should be for extras / recouping back funds after the fact, NOT what you consider for your base pay towards the big day. Also, this should NOT include any sort of emergency fund money. That should stay for emergencies.
** Also remember: they who bankroll the wedding, often give strong input on the wedding. If you don't want someone else controlling your planning, then just remember you open up those floodgates if they're helping cover cost.