Hindsight Is: 2019 Edition

On the blog-front, 2019 was a big old flop, for which I'd like to apologize sincerely. To those who plan a wedding and pump out mad content: major props. I did not share that talent and instead let all my planning and prep and wedding time thoughts swirl about in my mind, incoherent and unable to be relayed to y'all. I posted about a quarter my usual rate, and what came out was mostly gibberish. So if you're feeling like you need some solid gold oldies, go relive my better blog years with some of these past recaps for 2016, 2017, and 2018.

On the home-front, it was a year of much anxiety and celebration. A year of feeling whelmed in all shapes and forms. It was a year of supreme selfishness and break taking, and yet one with an outpouring of love and laughs. I've been grateful for all the support from all fronts.

So, here's a quick bop back into the past 365:

Content Consumption: A great distraction from one's own responsibilities is enjoying the work of others. This year saw some major finales in TV (Game of Thrones - farewell to our meat & mead nights!) and film (MCU phase 1, the latest Star Wars trilogy, etc.). I consumed several more books via our I'm-shocked-it's-still-about-books Book Club. Two must-see shows were seen, when my mom and I hit up concerts for both Cher and Elton John (not together - that double act would literally kill the audience with hits). And, after spending years joking about how impossible it was to get tickets, we finally got the tickets and went to see Hamilton.

Celebration of Others: From baby showers to birthings to baptisms. From many a birthday bash to a grad party or two. Supporting loved ones through moves and divorces, celebrating housewarmings and new beginnings. Giving a surprise-can-you-give-a-speech-in-an-hour speech for my mom's well-earned retirement. Witnessing not one but TWO book launches, as I saw the people who said they were going to write their novel actual write and publish their novels (go buy them here and here - to support your own collection of good-books and those dream-doers). And of course, a big celebration of love for the weddings of various friends this year (including a trip literally to the other side of the planet to witness one of my very dearest friends marry the love of her life).

Celebration of Life: Wing nights / hot sauce challenges. Another full-house Passover Seder. A Halloween party in which we actually had a couples costume-ish. Many a family brunch. Much happy houring with old coworkers and very old friends. A growing Friendsgivinukkah bunch. And many more. As much as I spent the year hiding from people, with my head down wedding planning, we still squeezed in a lot of small moments of joy with some of our nearest and dearest - and it was so very nice.

Celebration of Us: I'm not even going to pretend it wasn't a big year for Andy and I as a dynamic duo. The year was an evolution of us as a couple as we planned one of the biggest parties we'll ever throw. I spent many months as a ball of anxiety and he was a steadfast rock, as always. I tried to keep our health and happiness top of mind and work through all we could in advance to make our big day spectacular. Along the way, leading up to the wedding itself, we celebrated our fifth anniversary, were showered with love for various events, and both survived our bachelor(ette) outings. Having so much love pour in to celebrate our love made for such a fun filled year, and one big day that I'll never forget. We're officially an us now forever!

Some Travels: Work trips to NYC, Chicago and Minnesota kept me moving in a year in which my job title changed yet again. And while we said we would take the year off travelling to save/prep for our own wedding, we found ourselves taking a big adventure to Thailand to be a part of another beautiful wedding. It was the first time either of us had been to Asia and was literally the farthest from home I've ever been (#SamwiseGamgee) - and I think I'm still processing just how fascinating it was. We also traveled a bit more locally, as we took a brief mini-moon in the days after the wedding and later spent several days down in Chicago while my love ran his second marathon.

Etc: I did a full dive into my closet, which will now have to be redone since I'm back to my tiny bob hair, post-wedding! Reported for jury duty for the first time in my life (and spent a glorious day relaxing in a waiting room). Spent many months wedding planning and feverishly hunting for bargains. Dug deep into our finances as we set our sights on combining. Spent a good deal of time being a recluse. Got caught in my own head and lost for days at a time. Rediscovered my candy addiction but also chipped away at some weight loss leading up to our big day (don't worry, I found it again since lol).

This year, I focused really hard on trying to lay low and keep stress levels minimal, and yet somehow we were rather busy anyways. It seems a strange year to look back on since it was filled with such very high highs and yet also some extreme lulls. It felt very much like a turning point year, and I'm leaving it feeling exhausted and excited. Cheers to the turn of a new decade: the '010s held my 20s, and so the '20s shall hold my 30s, with a new name, and the next chapter in this book that now holds two lead characters instead of just my one. Wishing everyone a brilliant start to the year ahead.

What to do when you get engaged... BESIDES wedding planning

You've got the ring, the witty announcement is smeared all over social media, and you're officially a card-carrying fiancé. Time to immediately plan the wedding, right? WELL, yes, a few things you do need to nail down and discuss right away in relation to planning, but in general, I'd argue that there are a few other things you need to start on right away that are equally as important as the in-the-weeds planning bits. Because remember, you're dealing with a finite amount of time before the big day!

Note : there are certain things I had every intention of doing right away, that I've put on this list, that I definitely flopped and flayed at. So, you know, hindsight is 20/20 and just know yourself and your own discipline. Also, for those busy couples: I've added a "TL;DR" to each point.

1. Discuss and decide on wedding basics
• Where and what size? In your city of residence? A hometown? Elsewhere? Big, small, or destination? Church vs courthouse? Country vs city? Before you go into the next bullet, have a general idea on whereabouts / scale.
• But really... what size? Each of you make a list, separately, of all the people who are a MUST for attendance at your wedding (you can denote some "maybes," as well, if you're struggling). Then compare lists. Anyone who is on both lists is an automatic yes, anyone who isn't goes straight to the maybe list. Now see what that number is and go back to the first bullet and see if it's reasonable. If your list is 300 people and you wanted to get married in a tiny lighthouse on the coast, well, you need to reconsider. 
• Time of year? Think about what you want and what goes best with what you were thinking for location. We live in Wisconsin, so, winter snow would have been a logistics nightmare. If you want a destination wedding to a tropical island, make sure it's not hurricane season. If you're a teacher and don't want to take vacation time for a honeymoon right after, then aim for summer. (Also, if you really want to take that honeymoon immediately after, make sure it's a good season for your desired destination, too.)
• Why does the above matter right away? Because it will give you a good idea of how long you've got to plan (if it's fall and you want it the upcoming spring, get a move on!) AND how much your wedding might be on the cost spectrum, plus how long you'll have to save money, which leads into item two.
• TL;DR: deciding generally the "who, when, where" will tip off every other discussion point for planning.


Talk money


• If you haven't discussed finances with your partner before getting engaged...erm... maybe have a very in-depth and serious talk about it before you even announce your engagement to everyone? Because money can really expose some awful or wonderful things, and they can both have a huge impact on your relationship.
• Look at your finances right this minute* and think how much you're both willing to pay towards a wedding. Do you have other major financial goals so want to keep it small? Is this the thing you've been saving for all these years anyways, so go big or go home? Based on ONLY the money you two have, decide what kind of wedding you want to afford. (And decide immediately if you're willing to take on any additional debt to make your vision come true.) Be on the same page before talking to anyone else about wedding finances. 
• Then have the awkward convo with family if you're hoping to have any additional funding from parents, etc. Be frank with them and get a solid commitment on an amount/percent/contributing element/whatever. If anyone sounds wishy-washy, don't count their money toward your budget. If it happens to come in then, great, but you won't have been relying on it to cover basics.**
• Now reassess that vision, and adjust based on financials, if needed. As a couple, know where you want your money to be going and get a plan. Once you go to start looking into venue options, food, etc, you'll quickly figure out how realistic )or unrealistic) vision vs price tags are. Before you put money down on ANYTHING, be sure you've got the big picture cost in mind compared to your budget.
• Money tip during planning: each partner should define what their number one most important element of the day is (the perfect dress? an open bar? a great photographer?) and those are the only two things that you're allowed to stress and splurge on. Everything else, save as much as you can on because those elements just aren't as important. 


Decide how to pay for everything


• Do you want to open a joint checking account and each dump x amount into it and only pay with a debit card? Or, get a joint credit card with a really good rewards system (hello, cash back and airline miles!)? Or, have each of you split spending from your own accounts? Pick what works best for you as a couple and stick to it.
• A budget spreadsheet is king. Track every little wedding related thing you spend on, and don't forget to add the "I saw these diamond ring paper clips and I thought they'd be cute for vendor tips" type shit too - because it all adds up! It's the only way to get a true scope of what you're putting towards this event. And if you have a tight budget to stick to, you can't afford (literally) to not see where funds are going.
• TL;DR: know where your money is going and be on the same page about how it gets there.


Get a communication plan


• Make a joint email account for all wedding related / vendor communication
• Gather up your spreadsheets (former brides and online resources, FTW!)
• Plan out with your partner how to tackle to-dos. I wish we'd have approached this in a more organized way - I had a lot of checklists, don't get me wrong, but I could've done better about communicating expectations for what the beau should be working on (and WHEN it needed to be done by).
• Decide how often you want to "talk wedding" -- right up front it will be a LOT of wedding stuff, as you lock in the big vendors and make those first major decisions. But after that, it doesn't need to be everyday, or you'll both go crazy. I drove the beau nuts at various points, because I was constantly being bombarded, so it was always on my mind, and it's not good. Especially if you have a longer engagement - space it out.
• Figure out how to communicate vision out to vendors/bridal party, too. A streamlined Pinterest board with a few key focal points, a day-of timeline in a Google Sheet, etc.
• TL;DR: Decide how to track shit and stick to it!


Hydrate and Sleep!


• Proper hydration improves mood, can help prevent overheating, keeps your brain working properly, makes your skin healthier, and just does all the good things. Focus on it throughout the engagement (and life!).
• Proper sleep has sooo many benefits, I can't even begin to list. Most importantly: it will help keep you in a better mood during what will be a stressful period in your life of major changes and major planning. 
• TL;DR: If you're not already on track, hydrating properly and getting enough sleep should become your number one "treat yo'self" objectives!


Get ready to run the full gamut of emotions


• Be prepared for an outpouring of love... and a lot of disappointment.
• It will amaze and fill you with so much joy when you see how many people are excited for your new adventure. Even people who aren't invited will show such kindness and genuine happiness and it will make your heart want to explode. 
• You will also get to experience a horrible, nostalgic sadness when you realize which people you envisioned being a part of your celebration years ago, who you're no longer close with. 
• There will be people who you imagined on the dance floor, or sharing a toast with, but who won't be able to attend due to family situations, financial limitations, physical distance, etc. And you'll have to accept that it's just one day, and not everyone will chose to be there for it, even if you invite them.
• You'll feel frustration with vendors, or family. And you'll feel elated when you see things start to come together. 
• Get ready to cry from joy, from stress, from those lingering thoughts of your grandma not being there as you walk down the aisle, from the look on your mom's face when she sees your dress for the first time, from the letters you wrote to ask your best gals to be bridesmaids, and everything in between. My face has been flowing like Niagara Falls these past ten months!
• You may also turn into a cold, hard bitch at times. And you know what, it's your right to be adamant about how you want things done. If you're like me, you'll find ample apologies. 
• TL;DR: Be ready to own up to all those emotions and just ride that wave, baby! And as always : check yourself.


Exercise, now, don't wait


• Endorphins. They make you happy. You need that for the stress.
• If you have some specific fitness level in mind for you to feel like your best self on the day of your nuptials, then start working immediately. Time is only on your side for a bit, until it's not. (Remind your mama of this, as well, if she needs to hear it, so she's not frustrated when trying on dresses later.)
• Even if you don't have a specific goal, it's nice to be as healthy and fit as possible when officially kicking off your 'new life together,' right? So, get in more steps, or do a ten minute workout video three times a week, or something. 
• Be realistic. Know yourself and how much time/energy you're willing to commit. If your body wears stress heavily, don't push yourself to a breakdown. Instead, commit to something small and keep consistent. And if you want to really hit it (bless your heart), then make sure you're carving out that time for yourself in among the rest, and prioritize your goal!
• Dress tip: pick one that you'll be comfortable in based on the body you have, not the body you dream of getting (unless you've got mad willpower, then good for you!). Make sure you'll be comfortable - so if there's a part of your bod you feel self-conscious about, don't pick a dress that accents it! Confidence is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear! 
• TL;DR: make smart fitness goals and chip away over time.


Plot out long-term beauty plan items


• Want flowing long hair? Start growing it out and taking vitamins now! Or look into extensions (factor in your budget) if you know you won't have time. And get that fancy shampoo to keep your luscious locks in primo condition.
• Want teeth whitening or straightening? Straightening takes time, so get to your dentist! Whitening you can just go with toothpaste or ramp it up with strips or at the dentist office. Decide how you want to approach it.
• Start a moisturizing routine: keep that skin looking nice! Get special under-eye cream if you want to attack that area.
• Have scars that you don't want showing? Get on that Mederma! It takes weeks to be fully effective but really works awesome!
• SUNSCREEN! No one wants awkward tan lines. Make sure you're taking care of your skin and being cautious of sun exposure. 
• Get on a vitamin regime and/or make sure you're adjusting what you're eating to get you to a good place physically. Tip top shape, y'all!
• Weekly facemasks, hair masks, the occasional foot soak, taking care of your nails, limiting your alcohol consumption, going vegetarian a few days a week: whatever ongoing goodies you need to feel your best, get the cycle going!
• TL;DR: if you've been treating your bod like crap, it's a big ship to turn so start turning it now! Stay healthy to keep happy!

Sunburn? Not today, Satan!




Focus on your fucking posture (she said, angry at herself)


• No one wants to be slouchy in all their photos. And posture takes a long time and a lot of work to correct, so get started! 
• There are tons of videos online about posture stretches. Make sure your desk is set up properly (and get up out of your chair at work as often as you can!). Focus on standing/sitting up straighter in general. Be cautious of your Netflix-binge posture. 
• Warning: I started with this one really aggressively and ended up straining my chest muscles to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack (that's a story for another day). So, ease into it, just like other forms of working out! Muscles need time to adapt.
• TL;DR: don't be a bridal Quasimodo!


Protect your time


• I am allllll about saying yes to things. A full calendar is a happy calendar, in my mind. But, during your engagement, don't overbook yourself. Especially if you're doing all the planning by yourself, you're going to be busy and stressed, and sometimes you're just going to want to lay on the couch and stare at a wall and not talk to anyone. Let yourself. Schedule time for planning, schedule time for relaxing : make them priorities. Keep yourself running at a sustainable pace.
• That also means protecting time with your partner. You two are in this together, so spend time together. Keep nurturing that relationship and remember that it's the reason for all the stress, so protect it above all else. 
• TL;DR: clear up that calendar and relax.


Get your DIY gameface on
• If you plan to DIY, start mentally preparing. Figure out who your crafty friends are so you can borrow stuff (or time) from them. Sign up for every email newsletter you can from craft stores and get ready to roll in those coupons! 
Smile and feel that joy


• If you're lucky, you only get married once. So, before the planning frenzy, and throughout, take some time just to be excited. Take a second to think about having found your person and let that shit-eating-grin sit on your face a bit longer than necessary.

Yes, there will come a point were wedding planning is the big thing you dive in on. But getting started with the things above, and keeping consistent with some of them throughout, can help keep you grounded. And can make sure you don't go "aw shit, I wish I'd have started this sooner!" Remember: engagement is finite. It's a very small window of time during one's life. So, keeping grounded is key.

Anything I missed in my list that you wish you'd have done right away after getting engaged??

* DON'T look at your money in terms of what amount you could save up to the point of the wedding, because you can't guarantee that income will keep coming in or some other major crisis won't come up. Extra saving you do is great, but should be for extras / recouping back funds after the fact, NOT what you consider for your base pay towards the big day. Also, this should NOT include any sort of emergency fund money. That should stay for emergencies.
** Also remember: they who bankroll the wedding, often give strong input on the wedding. If you don't want someone else controlling your planning, then just remember you open up those floodgates if they're helping cover cost.

You've Seen One, You've Seen 'em All

Everyone talks about the joys and stresses of wedding planning and being engaged. But really, more than anything, it's a damn good excuse to watch a ton of shitty romantic comedies. Because you're a bride-to-be, damnit! So if not now, when??

Between bits of planning (and mostly while the beau is doing his marathon training and I get the couch/TV to myself), I've been consuming a boatload of wedding related movies. Here is the list so far....

• The Romantics : One of my fave awful guilty pleasure movies. A total yuppie mess. I watch it mostly for the first twenty minutes, because watching old friends come together for a wedding just makes my heart explode, because it's awkward and perfect and awful and wonderful all at once. 
• Table 19 : A wedding movie focused entirely on the reception. Thought I was getting into a slapstick comedy based on the trailer, but instead waded into a really dark character dramedy that was honestly so depressing. Every little twist just made it more sad. The reception band did play some great jams though, and it did make me really reevaluate our guest list, so, there's that... 
• Bride Wars : Watched this on the plane ride back from Europe, just after we got engaged. Because weddings make people a little crazy sometimes. And I'm grateful not to have had a hope chest full of wedding dreams to try and make a reality, or I'd have lost my mind.
• My Best Friend's Wedding : Y'all already know how much I love this and how I sob every time they're on the boat. And how the not-so-happy ending was actually the one that made sense so, kudos. 
• The Wedding Date: Dermot Mulroney belongs in every wedding related movie. Also, sister relationships are complicated.
• Mamma Mia: It's the mother-daughter moments in this one that really frickin' get me. And, ABBA is just the best. Yes, the singing is awful, but this movie is still awfully fun. 
• 27 Dresses: I'd marry James Marsden's eyes and chiseled check bones in an instance. Also, I still don't know the words to Benny and the Jets.
• The Big Wedding: WHAT is this movie? Crazy good cast but I don't remember hearing a thing about it. It was... a really different approach, I guess? 
• Monster-in-Law: Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. Comedy Gold. That is all.
• The Wedding Planner: Give me more J. Lo. rom-coms and I can die a happy woman.
• Crazy Rich Asians: BRB have to go completely replan our entire wedding to include some more vastly expensive but really cool shit.
• The Week Of: Adam Sandler fails again? It's just bad. Just...don't bother. Very tiny gems in this one, but not worth the time.
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding: 2002 was a simpler time. The women in this movie are a riot. 
• The Wedding Singer: It's true, first class passengers get away with murder. For the record, I also own volume one AND two soundtracks for this film on CD. 
• Made of Honor: Patrick. Patrick Dempsey. 
• Wedding Crashers: An entire generation of bros learned all their "best" lines from this one. 
• Father of the Bride (1950): Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor, brilliant. Hearing the prices they list off for wedding expenses is delightfully depressing and wonderful. Watched this movie with Korean subtitles on our flight to Thailand and at the end when she had to call her dad, and he hadn't gotten to even see her or enjoy anything, but she made a point to call him... teaaaars. Family is important.
• All those bachelorette type movies : Rough Night, Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, etc. They all have a similar feel. Female friendships are complex.  

So, what have I missed? We're almost at the turning point here, the final month countdown, so I don't have much time to watch more. But let me know which ones I should squeeze in before the big "I do!" 

Even in Korean, Elizabeth Taylor is stunning

Antici---pation!

Sitting here, surrounded by not-yet-crafted centerpieces, piles of invitations and stamps, a random mountain of tulle (don't ask), and all my other half-formed wedding schemes*... I can't help but feel a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. A sense of worry and dread that I just can't shake. Awaiting some other shoe to drop.

This feeling? It's unjustified. I'm literally thrilled about our upcoming nuptials. And nothing has gone (too) awry during the planning process so far (only a few minor hiccups). Things are chugging along, perfectly to plan, as we've slide quietly into the double-digits for our countdown. So really, what's to worry about?

Expectations. That's what.

Luckily, I was not the kind of gal who grew up with a hope chest stuffed with trinkets and collages of my dream wedding. So, any expectations I have of what our "big day" will look like have been formed only in the past eight months. They've formed very rapidly, based on things like: excessive online searching, boatloads of (mostly unsolicited) advice, years of attending weddings, anything I've seen that looked pretty, and... based on what I think is expected of us.

Most brides, in retrospective, will tell you not to gear your wedding towards the whims of others. "It's YOUR day," they preach, after the fact. And yet, we all know full well it's happening during the planning process, whether consciously or not. We picked our venue based on accessibility and proximity to hotels for our large number of out of town guests. We're doing it all at one location for convenience. We sent out paper invitations (sorry, environment/wallet) because we have plenty of guests who aren't entirely technologically savvy (though I did stick to my guns on the online RSVPs - we'll see how that plays out!). Throughout, we've made tiny adjustments to help check certain boxes, and most of them I haven't minded one bit.

The expectation that's getting to me isn't that our venue or food or centerpieces will somehow disappoint our guests (though that thought is hiding in the dark recesses of my mind and will probably cause a sleepless night in a month or so here). It's not that I think we'll upset someone by having the damn Cupid Shuffle on our "Do Not Play" list (it is - get over it). Honestly, the guest expectations vs reality are just something I know I can't control, so I've settled for trying to just throw a damn fun party and hope everyone has a good time.

What's getting to me is the expectations I'm putting on myself.

• I'm trying to do as much of the planning and logistics as I can by myself. Plenty of people have offered to help, but I usually casually thank away assistance. Maybe it's just that I like having control and I'm constantly worrying that someone else will do something wrong and I'll have to be upset at them (and I don't want to be that ungrateful person). Would everyone do just fine and would their help be great? Yes. But not two days ago I was pestering the beau about how he was licking envelopes incorrectly, so clearly I've got it stuck in my head that if I'm not doing it, it's not getting done. And that's what a bride does. What she is supposed to do. Plan. Go over every detail. Do nothing but wedding things for the entire engagement. Think nothing but wedding thoughts. I'm trying to fill that role, and be that expectation of a bride.
• The dress is stressing me out. I feel like I somehow didn't do it right by not having some epiphany moment like "There it is, THE dress!" The skies didn't open up, my life didn't change, it was just a pretty dress for a good price and I liked it so I got it. I didn't spend weeks of my life pillaging around various stores, I didn't pour my soul into the quest for the dress. I casually went to check out a place with my mom, when I hadn't even started looking yet, tried on a handful of dresses and said, "Okay, cool, this'll do." And now I'm in the alteration process in a panic: what if it doesn't give me that oh-ah bride feeling after I've paid for alterations? (And does it have to? Can't I just feel pretty and not like it's the most gorgeous I'll ever be? Am I a hideous beast monster in any other outfit?) What if everyone looks at me in it and gives that silent judgement, thinking I could've chosen better? What if I don't get my posture in order fast enough and look like a hunchback in all the photos? And most importantly, what if I did chose wrong and the dress fails in a big way and I can't frickin' dance in it?? I'm trying to look the part.
• This is all building up to what a lot of people call "the best day" of their lives. I'd really like to think that there will be many more best days ahead of me, but if this really is it, if this day is the pinnacle, well then I want it to be fan-frickin-tastic! But with all that hype, what comes after? Shouldn't the marriage (albeit less expensive) feel just as shiny and exciting as the wedding?? Can't it just be a really fun day, where I get to publicly hitch my wagon to his, to kick off a even more fun lifetime together? I'm trying not to put too much pressure on one day.
• I should be able to mitigate every little drama, minimize uncertainty and stress for the guests, and ensure everything is super smooth for all those involved. There should be no detail I haven't thought of, no scenario I haven't prepared a solution for, no risks for failure. Only good memories should remain for anyone near this process, any stressors I can just take on. I'm trying to be the perfect hostess.
• I want to make sure everyone feels valued and like their thoughts and opinions are heard. I worry that I counter suggestions too quickly and people will instantly think I'm a bridezilla. I try not to have strong opinions for the same reason. I use phrases like, "We haven't decided yet" or "Honey, let's talk through that more later" to avoid disagreements. When people ask how the planning is going, I give a polite smile and say a quip like "I have a lot of opinions on table clothes now!" or "It's moving right along, big day is almost here!" even if I'm in full on crisis mode.  I'm trying not to get labelled anything other than "happy bride-to-be."
• I've been avoiding many of the people who we aren't inviting. I don't want to have them ask about the wedding and to feel bad - because I genuinely would love to have each and every person who has every played a role in making me the person I am today be there; every individual who has built us up as a couple; everyone who makes us smile. But we can't, and it literally breaks my heart to think that I won't see every single one of those faces on my wedding day. So even though they care and mean well and just want to see how planning is going and how my life is, I feel so bad that I don't even want them to ask. I don't want them to feel like a lack of invite minimizes our relationship and that I don't care or they somehow didn't merit. I'm trying not to let anyone down.
• With my real job, all the chaos of life, and doing all the wedding things : my time is limited. I've been visibly lacking in social settings and unavailable at times. I've not stayed in touch as well as normal and have been struggling to keep the calendar balanced and my sanity in check. More than ever, I've also been attempting to carve out "me time" because I know stress needs to be mitigated, and I'm getting increasingly angry when I don't get time for it because of too many questions or to-do's coming my way. I'm trying to find balance.

And yes, I know most of this is just in my head, but just like Dumbledore said, that doesn't make it any less real. I'm trying daily to temper my own personal expectations and get to a point where I can just fully embrace the chaos and let myself be swept up in the stream, realizing it's a fun ride and that sometimes the rides that are the most fun are the ones where you don't have a firm hand on the wheel. Just working to set my sights on having a beautiful day full of love, where we throw a moderately sized party, in which I publicly sign on for life with the fella I planned to pester forever anyways (don't tell him, I want him to think he had to work for it) and get to dance and drink with some of our favorite people. I absolutely love weddings, so I need to start loving this gal who is planning my own a bit more, and quit giving her such a hard time.

I got 99 problems, and the bride's number one!

* Or at least, that was my situation when I started writing this post....several months ago. Funny how it's somehow still my situation, it just takes me ten times longer to accomplish things than normal because I'm constantly having to shift my focus. That's life though? #bridelife?

Finale is Coming

With the final season of Game of Thrones nearly upon us, a rewatch was certainly in order. I decided to start it up several months back, figuring if I watched a season a month, I'd land perfectly at the premiere of the final episodes. And then I shot that plan in the face and binge watched those 67 episodes in about a month (winter in Wisconsin, amiright?).

As with any rewatch, there is clarity in that concise viewing of beloved television. With GoT, every episode I watch again, I learn more names, and connect more dots. Horse/dragon lady and cripple kid become Dany and Bran - nicknames, but nicer ones. Like we're old friends, because we've gone through so much together - which we HAVE.

After losing three days of my life, I came away with some very strong overarching feelings, thoughts, and favorites, in no particular order. Spoilers ahead. And... if these are spoilers for you, GO WATCH! You still have time!

• Every single time someone said goodbye to someone else, all I could think was "And they never saw each other again!" Or, in some cases, they don't see each other for several seasons. It's crazy. Just, assume every goodbye in Westeros will be your last. 
• Brienne and Tormund: the 'ship that launched a thousand memes. They aren't the couple Westeros needs, but they're the couple Westeros deserves. (Granted, things generally don't end well for everyone Brienne loyalty-clings to, so, we'll see.)
• WEAVE, Rickon. For Christ's sake, WEAVE!
• The evolution of Jaime Lannister's hair deserves some serious study. When he and Cersei are mackin' on each other with matching long / short hair, the world is in balance. A freaky, incestuous balance. 
• I will put up posters of Lyanna Mormont in my future daughter's bedroom. As she is the badass little role model all little girls should look up to.
• Rob should've never banged that foreign girl. It would've saved so much trouble. (Also, they're floor-of-the-tent-keep-your-boots-on bang is still awkward to me.)
• "And now his watch is ended...." BAHHH, TEARS! There are a lot of deaths to pick from in this show, but man, Maester Aemon's always hits me right in the gut. Blood of the dragon, man. A frickin' unsung hero on the wall. 
• Cersei during the Battle of Blackwater is still some of my absolute favorite bits of the entire series. Her drunken "hey, HEY, little dove!" harassment of Sansa during that entire sequence is perfection. 
• Every time that horn blows for a third time, I just think about how screwed everyone is. White Walkers don't mess around. 
• Remember that time Little Finger little-fingered Ned and was all "Ha, bro, told you not to trust me"? Yeah. That as a defining moment. The gold standard of "literally the nicer you are the more likely you are to get screwed over."
• Jon Snow really is a champion brooder. Nobody broods it better. (Insert Jon Snow montage with Carly Simon playing here - once someone on YouTube makes one lol)
• Joffrey and Ramsay are both just bastards. Literally and figuratively. Ramsay is worse, in terms of being just a bad guy, but he's also older so he's had more years of practice (and has been relatively unchecked so it just festered quicker). But, Cersei is really maybe worse than them both, when you think about sheer scale: her wildfire-happy ways really show she few shits she gives about human life. And now that she really has no family to soften her cold heart, she's just down that slippery monster slope. (And yes, I think the pregnancy is a fake-out.)
• The direwolves really don't get enough play. Damn dragons take up the whole CGI budget!
• Princess Shireen!!!!! #neverforgive #neverforget
• Prince Oberyn Martell, my little Dornish muffin,* why did you have to prioritize your revenge taunt over your beautiful face? Things would've played out so differently if you hadn't died and Tyrion had "won" that trial by combat. Papa Lannister would be alive. Tyrion wouldn't have teamed up with Jorah (who then wouldn't have gotten greyscale) and would never become Dany's adviser. I mean, so many things were in that ripple effect from that perfectly handsome man's skull getting smashed. 
• Margaery, even with her tits out the whole show, at least did have a plan that she was relentless about. Good for her. I appreciated her tactfulness throughout. 
• Special shout-out to those characters who you thought were going to be major players, but ended up dying off weirdly fast. Looking at you Ned. And you, Renly. And, Khal Drogo, I barely knew you! (And Rob/Cat, for that matter.) But also later intros like Karsi in Hardhome. I was looking forward to having another badass ladyboss to root for and then ten minutes later, wham, bam, thank you ma'am, she's a damn wight. The second you like any character, just reckon they're about to die. 
• Lady Olenna Tyrell is who I hope to grow up to be. The Betty White of Westeros. 
• Can we lock Tyrion and Cersei in a room with a shit ton of wine and weapons and see how it plays out? Can that be episode one of the new season? Please?
• Oh Tommen. Bless your sweet little heart.... That is all. 
• Arya always being just a little too late, it just breaks me. Too late to see her family before they die. Too late to be reunited by her aunt (before she dies). Just, set your clocks early Arya, because girl, you're always late.
• Robert Baratheon and Ned - oh, the shenanigans! Those two had such a precious, dodgy friendship. 
• Every time people first see the dragons, it's awesome. Excited for more of that.
• Baelish and Jorah are both equally creepy when it comes to the women they obsess over. Sometimes it almost seems endearing, until you realize it's absolutely not. (Though at least Jorah is a decent human - sometimes - decent in that he owns up to being not decent.) 
• Every time a Stark reunites, an angel gets its wings. (That angel is probably another Stark...ooooh too soon?) AND Bran's total indifference and awkwardness after he has become the three-eyed raven and is reuniting with everyone is honestly just kind of hilarious. Watching all that again, I definitely let out the kind of strangled ridiculous laugh Arya busts out in the Vale when she here's her aunt is dead. (But seriously, the PTSD that family has is unreal.)
• Westeros, it's west. Essos, it's east. I feel really dumb for never thinking that one through. Also, can White Walkers and the army of the dead swim?? Based on comments exchanged with Euron, nope. So, why doesn't everyone just go to Essos? Start the evacuation now and go resettle and just let the zombies have Westeros. 

Story lines and people I realized I give almost zero fucks about:

• Theon. Just... Theon. He's such a POS in the beginning that by the time he's being tortured, I genuinely could've cared less. The only good thing to come out of the Iron Islands in the entire series was Yara's "yas queen" moments with Dany. Well, and maybe that Imagine Dragons song about Euron... pretty sure that was written about Euron. (Pirate rock forever, man.) Okay, and I suppose the one scene where Theon and Sansa decide to just do a suicide-pact and jump off the walls of Winterfell - that's the one good Theon scene, and it's when you think he's finally ending your misery of watching him.
• I fast forwarded all the "Girl is No One" junk. A girl is frickin' Arya Stark and all the rest is just noise. 
• The flaming sword guy and most of the stuff with the Hound (when he's not with Arya) - of course they ended up being fairly important characters later but, meh. And honestly, I'd be fine if the Cleganebowl thing never goes down. 
• Sand Snakes. Everything with the Sand Snakes. 
• I'm all about the Sam and Jon buddy bromance, but after Sam leaves the wall to go study, with Gilly in tow, I do semi lose interest. 
• Meereen. We all know that "see how ruling is boring" was an important point to make, but, ugh. 
• The Sparrows thing. Totally legit that something like that could end up happening (religious zealots always creep up eventually), and the walk of shame and explosion of the Sept were iconic, but overall I was mostly annoyed by those pesky Sparrows.
• Missandei and Grey Worm. Yep, no interest. 

While the new and final season looms, I have no predictions or hopes. I'd maybe venture to guess everyone dies and the White Walkers just win. And I'd maybe like to see Bran warg into a dragon at some point before this wraps up. But really, who knows how the chips will fall? All I know is that I look forward to seeing it go down, and that this sweet summer child is saddened by the fact that winter is finally coming and with it, no more episodes. Though, I suppose, as they say, what is dead may never die - live long you bitching awesome episodes of expensive television. May we all enjoy you on repeat for years to come. 

Will miss our weekly Meat & Meade nights

* Coined by ComicBookGirl19 - she was SPOT ON with that label!

Wear It Out

While I was debating how to kick off the new year (making my list and checking it twice), I knew it was time for another paring down. The kind that usually only happens with a psychical relocation of homesteads. Why? Because, no matter how many times I streamline my clothes, there always seem to be just too many.

No, this is not a Marie Kondo story. As a woman who is both crippled by, and terrified of, a lack of variety, the whole "spark joy" shit doesn't work for me. I can convince myself that just about anything brings me joy (#womansburden), so that system just isn't going to help me get rid of anything. If anything, it makes me less likely to get rid of things, since I'm a sentimental schmuck who can sob over a ripped pair of pants from middle school and tell you a long-winded story about just how they shaped my life and made me who I am today.

Instead, this is the tale of my personal tried-and-true method that has served me well through several previous purges: a good old fashioned WEAR THROUGH. Here's how it works...

First, make sure you have access to your full wardrobe. That means laundry is fully done, and any "seasonal" or "sentimental" stuff you have tucked away is pulled out. Depending on season, this should also include a going through of coats and footwear, but that's a bit trickier depending where you live (sorry but my flip flops have no place in a Wisconsin winter).

Next, pick a day to start. From that point on, don't repeat your clothes. I'm not talking about not repeating outfits, but instead not repeating individual articles. This also includes every sock, cami, scarf, bra, set of PJs, bit of workout clothing, etc. Nothing should be spared. Each and every stitch is to be worn, either as a last hurrah or as an acknowledgement that its still a vital piece of attire. You cannot start repeating pieces until everything has been worn through. To be honest, the first things to repeat will be pants usually (most people have way more tops than bottoms), but again, not until all have been worn first. Once something is worn it should be washed and then tucked away into a tote / separate drawer, a clothing purgatory.

And there they'll stay until I've made it through the lot of them!

During this process you will have clothing in four states:

1. On the Rack :: yet to be worn
2. Laundry Limbo :: worn and not yet laundered
3. Clothing Purgatory :: worn, washed, and in your hideaway box 
4. Departures :: things you're not keeping

How does this play out? Usually I end up wearing my favorites that I always wear first, and then spiral into a wacky array. This time around, I purposefully dug into the archives first. You can pick whatever strategy you want!

On the Rack
Right off the bat, it's a 2-in-3 shot at survival :

1. You pull that shirt out of the back of the closet and go "Oh, I love this! I forgot I even had it!" and you wear it. Then it goes to laundry limbo.
2. You look at it and wonder why you even still have it, or decide it's not your size/style anymore. In this case - put it immediately into the departures pile. 
3. Or, less drastic, you just don't feel like wearing it on this particular day. Yes, you can keep it on the rack and come back to it another day, BUT if you keep finding yourself going back to it and deciding "not today" well, then maybe it just needs to go, honey. 

As you move along, you'll have to start getting more creative with how to pair up clothes to not repeat pieces. Depending on the volumes of the different types of garments, some things will repeat sooner. For example, if you only have five pairs of pants and socks, but have twenty shirts - well, the pants and socks will start repeating sooner. Or if it's winter and you have a lot of sleeveless, well, you'll need to eventually repeat cardigans or blazers to wear with them... eventually. The goal is to go as long as you can without repeating, and once you do have to repeat something, it stays in this cycle until everything is totally gone through.
Laundry Limbo Once you've worn something, it's got a 50/50 chance:

1. You wore it, remembered how much you loved it, and know that you'd like to continue to have it in your rotation. Pop it into the laundry basket! It's going to get all fresh and clean for a future wear!
2. After wearing it, you remember why you hadn't worn it lately. The cut it slightly uncomfortable. It's too tight in certain places (looking at you, blouses with the boob gap!). There's something worn out, or a lost button that you'll never recover, or something that needs mending that you just know you'll never take care of. It's a sweater that's since gotten pilly. There just isn't a scenario you'd find yourself wanting to wear it in very often (hello, clubbing clothes - you were staples in the 20s but now are just too uncomfortable to bother with). Etc Etc. Whatever it is, it's time to part ways. If it needs to be actually disposed of, try and re-purpose it for a rag/cleaning cloth or something before tossing (save the planet). If you're planning to donate or sell it, then wash it up but make sure it finds its way to the departures pile after. 

Clothing Purgatory

Congrats, clothes, you've made it this far! You've been worn, washed, and loved. Now, put these away into a "can't touch this" box, tote or drawer. Somewhere you can't even start looking until after you're run out of an essential element. Yep, ever panty, sock, shirt, and scarf, all of it gets tucked away. Once you do start needing to repeat (because you've run out of socks), be mindful of what it is you're pulling out to wear again. If it's something that's your first pick, it's pretty safe to say it's something worth keeping around. If you realize there's something you just don't want to pull out again, because it really only works by itself and with nothing else, or because you've second guessed in general - then it goes to departures. 

Once you've hit the final piece of clothing, and have gone through your goal of wearing everything - this is the perfect time for a fresh start in your closet or dresser! 

• Wipe down all surfaces, dust, and tidy up overall. You're putting everything back into this empty space, so make sure it's clean first. (How often do you wipe down drawers otherwise, honestly? Take advantage of the emptiness!) 
• Get rid of shitty hangers and decide how you want to organize things. 
• If you have some pieces that you decided you need to keep for sentimental reasons , but just won't wear regularly - give them a separate home that is not in the way of your daily wardrobe.  
• If you have some of those "skinny jeans" or "walrus sweats" that you just need to keep to torture yourself, also tuck those away. And leave a note on that box with the date. Next time you see it, if it's been more than six months, if that stuff still doesn't fit - it's time. That ship has sailed. (Unless you're like, pregnant. Maybe just don't do any of this while pregnant??)

Past Gina is a kind and ruthless bitch

Then reorg and put everything back into its new home! All your clothes are wearable, clean, and ready to be picked out to wear any old time!

Departures

This group of misfit toys is washed and clean, and ready to move on to a new home. 

• Anything to be tossed should've already been gone.
• If you're planning to donate, give a shout out to some friends or family first, see if they want to dig through for some freebies! Or, if you don't want to deal with that coordination, see if any of them could go to better use than just hitting a Goodwill rack - look up a local woman's shelter, or see if any of your work clothes can go to underprivileged folks (re)joining the workforce (interview clothes can be pricey!). 
• If you're planning to try and sell your stuff (on Poshmark or the like), don't put it off! Get photos taken and get those clothes posted up right away! If it doesn't sell within a month, move on. If you're saving clothes for a garage sale in the spring or something, put them aside and out of the way, but also leave a note with the date - if you realize two years later that that box is still there, it's time to donate. 

And that's all there is to it! The whole point is to make an effort to see what you really still like to wear and what's applicable to wear based on the life you're living. Don't spend a dime on anything new, just  wear what you already have. Wear. It. All. In the end, you'll have streamlined and learned to understand what you've got. It's day 44 for me on this wear through, and I've not had a duplicate outfit yet (except for pants). And I have oh-so-many more clothes to go. Really, I almost feel bad seeing how many clothes I have, and some that originally made it through to clothing purgatory have since been reassigned to departures (you know, when you realize you have three black tees and probably only need one). The bright side to this situation: approximately 90% of my clothes were thrifted originally,* so in general I didn't spend much money to obtain the collection I have AND they've already had two+ good lives. I hope they have many more lives after their time spent with me, and that my old friends enjoy their new homes. 

Hello, my vibrant friends! Let's see if you've run your course,
or if you've got a few more laps in you yet!

* Or I got for free using my Gap Cash - see my long footnote rant here for how much I love that effin' Gap Cash! 

It's Amazing the Clarity that Comes with Psychotic Jealousy

There are certain movies that I've seen, shall we say, too many times. The kind of movie that I used to casually put on, like someone else might turn on the radio. "My Best Friend's Wedding" was in that rotation. I even had the soundtrack on CD in high school. It's the kind of film where, when explaining the plot to people, I speak as though the cast of characters are actually close friends of mine in real life (You know, my BFF Jules...aka Julie Roberts).

At just over twenty years old, this seminal classic continues to kick ass and take names. Since it's Valentine's week (and, more importantly, the beau has been on second shift so I've had free reign on the TV!) naturally I heard the sweet, sing-songy little prayer of a film calling my name. And since I'm engaged, I've been working my way through every frickin' wedding adjacent film I've ever seen in my life - that is my version of wedding "planning" right now. That's the plateau I'm at. It is my g'damn right as a bride-to-be to wallow in rom-coms, sobbing into popcorn - this is the hill I want to die on.

ANYWHO, re-watching this gem, I'm reminded of some of the endearing life lessons, heart-wrenching scenes that will never not crush me, and the staggering confusion that I still have.

1. WHAT the ACTUAL fuck? In the opening 10 minutes, the groom-to-be (hereafter "Michael") has called his long time "BEST friend" (of NINE years - hereafter referred to by her Christian name "Julie fucking Roberts" or her film name "Jules") to ask her to be a part of his FOUR day long wedding. He is calling her on a WEDNESDAY when the wedding is SUNDAY. First off... how frickin' rude man. A four day long event? You've obviously been planning for some time and apparently have only been trying to call your best friend for a month now to get her to attend? Where were the save the dates? The invites? Or, better yet, you probably got engaged months prior and never even left a general "Hey, btw, I'm engaged" voicemail? This is such a prime example of the inconsiderate male archetype. A bro just figuring he could tell her whenever, because of course no matter how short of notice she'll be there for him. Prime example of taking advantage and being an inconsiderate asshole.*
2. AND ANOTHER THING! As a woman about to get married, I can honestly say that if my fiancé turned up a "best friend" who looked like Julia Roberts a few days before the wedding, I'd have some serious frickin' questions. (Granted, if I looked like Cameron Diaz, I mean... I guess maybe I'd be cool and all "hey girl, hey" I suppose?)
3. LOL WHAT? Oh, those two best friends (during one of their numerous hot nights), they made a pact at age 22 that if they weren't married by 28, they'd marry each other? Yeah, that sounds like a very 22 year old thing to do. The more realistic version of this "romantic pact" scenario is probably more along the lines of "Hey, you've got good hair... if I'm not married by the time I'm 40, can I use some of your sperm for an egg I've got frozen in this mini fridge under my desk...." or "Hey, if we're not married by 45, let's agree to not let each other have more than four cats."
4. THROWBACK. Some of the most heart tweaking moments are laughably 90s. When they're at the airport and Michael can basically come straight to Julia Robert's gate? Oh, pre-9/11, how we miss you! And later, when Jules is stress-smoking in the hotel hallway (as Michael is "calling off the wedding" ish) and Paul Giamatti has to explain that she's not just in a non-smoking room, but it's a non-smoking floor. HA, because remember having to specify that you wanted a non-smoking room at a hotel?
5. MELT. Speaking of that airport scene. It's the intro scene for Michael's smirk. Michael's smirk stars as the leading man in this film. He doesn't really have much charisma otherwise, but Christ almighty can that man's smirk melt a room. 
6. FOR THE RECORD. Julia Roberts was a just few years younger than I am now while filming this movie. She was around 30 when it released. Cameron Diaz was 25 (playing a 20 year old but that's neither here nor there).** There will never be a time in my life again where I can watch this movie and say "that could be me some day" because that ship has SAILED my friends, with the crop tops blowing in the wind. 
7. UM HOW? How is Julia Roberts such a revered food critic by age 28? Chalk it up for yet another film that set unrealistic expectations for me about how successful I'd be in the workplace in my twenties.
8. MIXED SIGNALS. Can anyone call Michael the "good guy" in this movie? NO. Sure, Julia Roberts does some awful shit, but she wouldn't have gone down that eight-shades-of-crazy path if it weren't for Michael being a ridiculous tease and sending her mixed messages. The quintessential "man doesn't understand changing dynamic of relationship and how it might be difficult for his best friend who's been the main woman in his life for almost a decade" moment is when Michael walks in on Jules in her skimmies (looking fine AF) is like "Oh come on, I've seen you a lot more naked than that..." and is all "You look great naked." UM, excuse me, you're about to get married, sir! How is it appropriate for you to lurk around dressing rooms ogling your ex?? Don't tell her you need her and you're jealous of her fake-gay-fiancé and all that junk, man, it's just cruel - you can tell the impact it's having on her if you're any sort of "friend" at all. 
9. POWER MOVES. Even though she's a precious sweet, Jackie O sort in this movie, Cameron Diaz is absolutely terrifying. She knows the stakes here and she's not messing around. Her awkward karaoke and random bits of crying are just strategy. After barely a few hours with Jules, she throws down a power play and TRAPS Julia Roberts in a janky elevator to let her know that she's coming out on top of this, and she's already taken the high road and knows the reality of the situation enough to see that they have to be BFFs, or Jules has to die (plot twist: when a rom-com turns into a murder mystery as the best friend who just got into town dies in a bizarre elevator accident). Cameron isn't going to be pushed around. Shortly thereafter, Jules brings on her own A game. (Julia Roberts by definition IS the A game in life.) Her at that baseball game? Creepily workin' the dads, bosses and nerdy little brother just to make a point that she's still got it? A bit awkward, but SLAY girl! (Apparently that's what gets Michael's attention - the creep.)
10. BUT FOR REALS. The karaoke scene is painful. Cameron just tries so hard. But seriously though, if anyone ever tried to make me do karaoke against my will, I'd not be graceful and precious about it. I'd probably make a mean scene. 
11. THE ELEPHANT. The whole "offer him a real job with my daddy's company so he's more of an adult" wrench that Julia tries to throw in this whole "happily ever after" plan? I mean, it's legit. Yes, it's just a plot device to cause tension, but really, why the eff are they getting married when they're so obviously on different pages about this whole "our future life together" thing?? Though Jules is using this to pry the couple apart, the scenes where she is concocting the scheme with Cameron are strangely enough, total boss lady bonding scenes. The proposal Cameron makes to Michael does make sense. But of course, the only time he shows any fire (besides whilst gawking at Jules in a fitting room) is to be a dick about it. Oh, he loves his current low-paying gig? Doesn't want to be a sell-out and take an "establishment" job?? So his bride-to-be has to quit her schooling and leave her family and run around the country with his shitty job? With no security financially and living in a constant state of flux? Um, yes, he is a sensitive sexist asshole about it - his words. HIS words. And by that scene, I'm struggling to remember why these two gorgeous woman are vying for the affections of this one man, whose only good qualities seem to be his hair, his smirk, and his ability to remember inside jokes (which he constantly references - again, without realizing how uncomfortable he's making his lady love).  
12. WHAT IS THE BILL FOR A MUSICAL NUMBER? After all the ruckus they caused at that rehearsal dinner, and all the "Say a Little Prayer" sing-along-ing, did they at least bother to tip well? Because I sure hope they did. I'd hate to be a waitress carrying a tray of drinks and have some soprano wearing foam lobster claws flailing around. Danger in the workplace, y'all. 
13. REALITY CHECK. Speaking of the real star of the film, gay BFF George is the only source of sanity in the whole movie. He is the voice of reason (literally, as Julia calls him repeatedly for insight). He immediately calls her out, asking if she really loves Michael at all, or if she just wants to win at this point. Because, fair. She had nine years to chase this man, but "didn't realize how great he was til it was too late?" Nope, I don't believe that shit, he's the same vanilla man he was before, she just is jealous and wants to be loved (fair, but like, he didn't suddenly become great is all I'm saying). When the movie is EXACTLY half way through, George lays down some hard truths and let's Julia know "he'll chose Kimmy" and that she should just prepare to say goodbye and accept this new reality. Literally cut to closing scene. George is right. Jules has to come to it on her own terms (via grand theft auto of a bread truck), but the writing was on the wall.
14. DEAD, I'M DEAD. Despite my dislike of Michael at this point, the second half of the movie is the accumulation of all the feels and tears. Because we already heard from Nostradamus-George how the movie will end, watching it play out is just a gut punch. Knowing she'll fail, but watching her try to fight, ugh. Just UGH. That culminates at the "afternoon alone together" where they're on a boat tour through downtown Chicago, and Michael perfectly lays out an opportunity for Julia to confess her love. They go under the bridge, every woman in America hysterically screams at the screen for Julia to just say something... BUT SHE DOESN'T, because she knows she's not going to win, and can't admit it knowing the outcome. And then he starts singing "Just the Way You Look Tonight" while Julia silently cries.... SOB. Just SOB.
15. SMOLDER. That PG-13 rating is solely for the scene where he takes the ring off using his mouth. No further comment needed. Holy inappropriately seductive move, Batman.
16. ACTUALLY THOUGH. I have seen women fight in public restrooms before. Audience participation is a thing. That scene, besides its perfect scripting, was just as dramatic and over-the-top as the real deal. 
17. MY HEART HAS BEEN RIPPED OUT AND STOMPED ON. So, as George predicted, Julia does the "right" thing: let's the shitty couple have each other and get married. She stands proud in her ridiculous lilac ballgown, makes an endearing speech, and even "loans" them that song that Michael stabbed her in the heart with while they were on that boat tour.*** You think the emotional gamut is fully run, and let your guard down. YOU FOOL. Cue the "departure" scene, where the happy couple runs away from their own wedding (to go to a baseball game or something dumb, presumably), as Julia watches her best friend literally skip out of her life. Forgotten, abandoned, she takes a turn, knowing that this is her emotional burden and accepting that it's time to finally move on.... And THERE is your dagger! Michael comes back for a hug, and a goodbye. I didn't see this as a thoughtful gesture. I saw it as one more power move. He gets the last word. The final goodbye. He can't just let her just move on. He has to insert himself into her life and keep her on the line. I expect this emotional torture to continue for years to come.
18. BRB, STILL WEEPING. Who could any one forget the final phone exchange with George?Supportive, dashing, full of wisdom - the real best friend of the film. The one who will help Jules pick up those pieces. 

So, despite my growing dislike for Dermot Mulroney, will I continue to come back to this film for years to come? Can I forgive it its flaws, and accept its unforgivably endearing cast just as they are? Can I love again? Yes. Because, life goes on. (And by god, at some point, there will be dancing!)

Can one literally wear out a DVD? Time will surely tell.

* Although, I have heard the counter argument that Michael didn't reach out sooner because he knew how strong his feelings were for Jules, but really wanted it to work with his new fling so he didn't want the distraction of his long-term old fling. And didn't want to put his new bang in an awkward situation. He knew he'd revert to loving the ginger. So, to avoid having to face any actual feelings, seeing what a good thing he could have with this blondie, he just decided to avoid his friend like the plague and secretly hoped she wouldn't be around at all. IS THAT BETTER THOUGH?! NO. Still awful. 

** Random aside: in 1997, Cameron Diaz also starred in one of my other fave rom-coms, "A Life Less Ordinary." She was alongside Ewan McGregor, and it's an oddball diamond in the rough. Why have you not heard of it?? Oh, well, because another (rom-com-ish) film released around the same time. A little movie called "Titanic" - and it wrecked everything else. (Get it, like...a ship wreck? Maybe? Too soon?)
*** All while the family members smile on, seemingly oblivious to literally all the shenanigans of the film. "That's just the quirky MOH, running about, no big deal." and "Kids these days!" they proclaim. This is a vital life lesson for weddings: most people won't know when shit goes wrong, so never tell. Never. 

New Year, New List

It's 2019. The last teens I'll see in my lifetime. And instead of pretending that I was motivated at the start of January, I'll be honest and say: I knew I wasn't. So I instead plotted out my goals to 'begin' later. (Why try and force yourself to fail - amirite?)

For the past several years, I've done a little kick off to the year with some overall bits of resolve. No point in letting old habits die now, eh? So here are some of the things I'm aiming for in the next eleven.

1. Hydrate: This is always high on my list. Nothing has changed. I need to do better.
2. Pinch those pennies: Mercifully, I'm debt free, and haven't had to budget too closely for the past few years. But it's time to crack down a bit to save for upcoming expenses. Just to get more of a surplus, since currently I don't have a route to make additional income.*
3. Nip that waistline: Must eat better. Must be more active. It's not that hard, I just need to properly focus and get into it.
4. Unfunk the funk: The winter blues, man, they get me. 
5. Hug the planet : It needs a little TLC. I need to make more little changes to help out with that big old problem of our world going to shit. Finally remembering reusable bags at the grocery store. Walking to work once it's warm out instead of driving. Trying to create less waste in general. One thing I already did: sent an email to several organizations (ones who I've donated to in the past who continue to send me paper mail all the time) and asked to be taken off physical mailing lists and instead be put to email lists - that saves them money and saves ink/paper/time for all.... Basically: we can all do better. We need to do better. There's no excuse to not try and do better.
6. Beauty routine: Besides the whole hydrate/exercise/eat better, getting on a better routine involving vitamins, face masks, fancy shampoo, and figuring out what the hell one is supposed to do with cuticles anyways. For Christmas, I also got one of those fancy rose quartz face rollers - and while I don't believe in the crystal flimflam, I'm all about destressing and depuffing! I've been lucky enough to have good skin, hair, health (mostly), etc. so time to double down and keep it that way. (Off to a good start on this one!)
7. Revel in it: You don't get many chances to plan a big event like a wedding (knock on wood). So I need to make sure to not stress, and just enjoy it - because I really do love this shit. And, I'd dare to say that I'm pretty good at it. 
8. Blue light special: Started this last year but fell out of practice over time. Will go back to doing no screens (TV, phone, laptop, etc.) after 9:30 pm. Back to book reading, general relaxing, etc. Also need to keep my Instagramming averaging under 45 minutes a day - it's been getting up there with the wedding and vacation searches, mustn't let it continue to get out of hand (because holy cow 45 minutes is SO much time - stupid rabbit hole!). 
9. Fix. That. Posture. SERIOUSLY. Quasimodo over here needs to get it together.
10. Hate a bit less: Overall, I'm a generally nice and happy person but... I love talking / thinking smack. It's so invigorating. But, there's enough hate in the world, so I need to focus less on being judgey and more on being positive / ignoring shit I'd normally spend time judging. It's just a waste of my time and efforts on things that just don't matter.**
11. Cut the noise : Speaking of hating less... I Marie Kondo'd my social media and unfollowed a bunch of people (that didn't spark joy - LOL). There are a lot more I need to get rid of, specifically people who just appall me with their behavior. It's like watching a train wreck though - I just can't look away. But I should.*** It would make me a happier person to not constantly be frustrated with the idiots of the world. 
12. Wardrobe wear-out : Started this January 1st. In an effort to see what I really still like to wear - I have to wear it all. Will be detailing this madness in a separate post. 
13. Help the others : Newly engaged? I've got you, boo! I've been doling out Gina's Engagement 101 wisdom by the bucket lately. Because, from what I've seen, all brides-to-be form a pretty badass lady gang. I've been so grateful for all the ones who've reached out, checked in, and helped me out, and I want to do everything I can to put that goodness back out into the world. Like Headmaster Zefron said, "We're all in this together." 
14. Spend more time with family : The one I was born into and the one I chose. Because time is precious and they deserve the best version of me that I can give.

There are a LOT of big changes coming this year. This will sound completely out of character, but: I've been grateful to have a fairly low-key start to 2019 (at least up to this point!). It's given my brain some time to reflect and my attitude some time to get over itself. Change isn't something we're necessarily hardwired to "like," but as a species we wouldn't have made it this far if we hadn't learned to adapt. Hoping some of my little plans above, my little roots, will keep me grounded in the year ahead. Hold strong, little roots! 

Time to take a bite out of 2019!

* IE NO I'm not getting a second job, or a side hustle, or any of that nonsense. I'm quite content just tightening the purse strings a wee bit and am nowhere near desperate enough to pump time into becoming a hustler. For all the "self care" pushing of 2018, there was likewise a shit ton of "hustle" attitude promoted. It was a vicious cycle of people stressing themselves to the point of needing to do actual self-care. So like, is everyone suppose to work fifty jobs, and "do what makes them passionate," and also take time for bubble baths? Kudos to those who attempt to balance all that but, no thanks. Not necessary for me right now. Plenty of other things to care about putting time towards. Already a wonder woman, I don't need to hustle just for hustling sake. And bubble baths stress me out more than anything. 
** Plus, I just feel so quick to anger lately, and frustrated so frequently. And my hating just feeds into that. I also read that it could likely just be a symptom of Depression - which is probably just a suburb of my Anxiety. But I'm not ready to move to the suburbs. I'm comfortable living downtown at the intersection of Panic Parkway and Stress Street, just around the corner from Eagerness Ave - where I curb stomped serenity back in '05 and never looked back. 
*** And honestly - what kind of psycho actually likes watching train wrecks?? Like, I should feel bad about feeding views towards this nonsense. But I guess social media is like Nascar - people only watch for the carnage and to have the loud noise distract them from their own thoughts.

I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

... love me some planning!

With ABBA's greatest hits on repeat, the wedding planning has been cruising right along. Depending who you ask, we're drastically behind or doing just fine. According to my meticulous spreadsheets, we're rockstars and the naysayers are officially off the guest list. Since most else in life has been taking a back seat during all this, figured some update to prove I'm alive and that we're making progress wouldn't go amiss. So, here's some stuff that's gone down on the planning front since the engagement, and a bit of a follow up to some of those fabulously half-assed answers from November.

• We have a date! And it's less than a year out from the day we got engaged - no pressure! By the end of September 2019, we'll be oh so officially husband and wife. We're pumped to have locked in a fall slot. Our logic: summer would be way to sweaty for me, winter could cause travel issues, and spring was too risky for the dreaded "rain on your wedding day" that Alanis Morissette ironically warned against (plus I didn't want to wait til 2020, to be honest). Added bonus: our date comes with a built in theme song, so we'll never forget our anniversary!
• We have a venue! We basically picked a mansion by the lake. Because, why not? Added bonus: we get it for the entire day, which means I will be lounging about the place in my PJs and pretending it's my house all morning.
• We have a photographer and a DJ! After buckets of research, we signed some legit looking documents and parted ways with a few more deposits. We've got a wizard set to go behind the lens, a nerdy crew for the jams, and all the uplighting you can handle (because I insisted). Added bonus: we also managed to finagle some discounts! Holla!
• I have the dress! Speaking of discounts, holy shit did I get a deal on the dress. I had been researching and pinning, and just went to go check out a shop with my mom, very casually, with no intent of even trying a dress on, but the woman at the shop was so chill and before I knew it, I I was buying my dress! Added bonus: originally, the dress was almost two grand, and I got it for $400! (As a midwest gal, the glamour of the deal is almost as important as the glamour of the dress!!) It just will need a little bit of alteration (adding a bustle, tightening up the bust - but else it's almost my size as is!) and wham, bam, thank you ma'am! 
• We have a color scheme! And yes, I caved and made an effin' Pinterest board of it (DM for link - because I know everyone has just been holding their breath! lol). 
• Some things are still in the works:
• We have a tentative plan for officiant, guest list, and wedding party, just need to do some communicating on all that. 
• Hotels, the website, and all date saving / invitation type things are still being tinkered with.  
• I have about fifty different game plans for the DIY chuppah I'm going to build. Chuppah begets centerpieces, so once I nail that down, I can properly plot tables out.
• I've got a shady scheme going currently for florals and cake - should it all go to plan, will post about that some day. 

Wisconsin: it's where our love story started, so it's where we're getting married!

Important things I've learned:

1. Haggle. It's expected. Worst case scenario? You don't get a discount and pay what you planned to pay anyways. Else, many aspects can be customized to save cash moneys. 
2. Meltdowns. They happen. Don't try to be tough, just let that shit out and move along. That's how you keep them as mini, bite-sized anxiety attacks ... instead of  family-sized. 
3. Wedding Expos are a circus, in hell. If you attend, have a game plan. Be aggressive and hit up the bar immediately. Bring address labels with your name, email and wedding date/venue on them so you don't have to fill out a million little slips to enter into drawings - because that's why you're there. Drawings. And cake samples. The rest is just fluff. (I could do an entire post on the nightmare that was the one expo I attended - if anyone wants to hear that saga, let me know!)
4. Kindred. There's a lot of other brides-to-be out there. Band together, ladies! Because the war stories are great, and it's nice to compare notes. (There's also a lot of ladies who are wived up already, who have the value of hindsight to help calm any worries.)
5. Make it rain. Money means nothing anymore. The wonderfully foolish amount of cash thrown at weddings is a fun little game of trying to spend less. All you can do is just remember your budget, and make a plan for bringing in extra dough if you find yourself wanting to go over. (In the beau's case, he works overtime to make more - in my case, I spend less the save more.) 
6. No monsters here. Putting your foot down does not make you a bridezilla. (She who is in charge of planning, gets to have final say on plans.) Feeling stressed does not make you a terror. This is a major life change, and that sort of metamorphosis isn't always pretty, but in the end you come out a butterfly - so it's all good. 

The best thing about all this? The beau hasn't been scared away by all the planning. Now that the big boxes are checked, we're just getting excited about all the little details we'll get to have for what's going to be a wonderful day. One wonderful day, one perfect point in time, to kick off what will be a wonderful lifetime. Sure, we'll kick it off with a little less cash in our pockets, but with just as much love in our hearts. (Cheesy enough for y'all?)