Willpower vs. Won'tpower

There’s a point in life where you realize that you’re responsible for your own actions and decisions. And it’s a real bitch. You can blame outside sources for a lot still, but a good portion of things come down to your own personal willpower. Do you have the self-drive to be motivated? Or to make "good" life choices?

Spoiler alert: I don’t. I typically have about as much self-control as a crazed five year old in a candy shop, clutching a wad of $100 bills, with no supervision and no one to stop me from consuming literally everything I can get my hands on. Now, this doesn't mean I'm running around snorting coke and punching babies or anything crazy.* And being in command of my own will has been something I’ve worked on in my attempt to garner adult points. BUT typically I've found that it comes down to just a lot of self trickery and trying to logic my way toward the conclusion I really want.

Largely, this is related to food.

An easy example: awhile back (I say that so it won't seem like this happens often), I bought a bulk pack of string cheese (#BecauseWisconsin). Upon arriving home, I knew it was going to be disastrous. So, to cut my self-indulgence off at the pass, I grabbed a marker and labeled each individual string cheese package with a day of the week. THERE, I could only have one per day. Brilliant plan! Nailed it! … And then I sat down and ate ALL the Mondays... Defeated that shit with my wit!

Recently, I spent a few weeks on a low-calorie diet, viciously counting my foodstuffs. Since I know I don’t have the resolve to not snack, and my body is thoroughly convinced that healthy snacks are for the rabbits, I was determined to only have tiny snacks… and convinced myself it was cool to eat them in bulk. Five calories per Mike and Ike (Okay, it’s more like 6, but I rounded down! Ah, the self deception!). That means you can eat like a zillion of them, perfect! ...NO! It means you can have twenty. 100 calories isn’t too bad, limit yourself to twenty. Close enough, willpower. Baby steps.

I've also tried to limit my caffeine consumption at work. It takes more than a few weekends of withdrawal shakes to start questioning one's Mountain Dew addiction, but eventually one has to face the fact that MAYBE that level of sugar and caffeine isn’t the best for your health (even if it is the lifeblood of your morning productivity). So, I finished up my soda supply (I'm not going to waste!) and waited. Had coworkers monitor me. Didn't carry cash so I couldn’t go buy anything from the vending machine. It was like rehab only without any of the celebrities. Two days in, I remembered my emergency can. The Dew I hide from myself, just in case a crisis should arise. (I'm nothing if not a planner.) When everyone left for lunch break, I scrambled around trying to remember its location… only to eventually find a post-it saying, "Sorry" with a poorly drawn frowny face. Curses, I didn’t even have the discipline to RESTOCK my emergency defense system! Gah! Failure! Thwarted by myself! (aka accidental willpower?)

Sorry don't feed the bulldog, sweetie!

Being the social hummingbird that I am (much less graceful than a butterfly, much more spastic), I do very little to rein in my group activities. During college, a ten page case study due the next day was not enough to stop me from attending fishbowl night. Though, to be fair, I DID have the willpower to stay up from bar close til class time writing those papers. And I can assure you, they were solid gold. These days, it’s not so much self-restraint as old-lady-tiredness that gets me home in a timely manner or will get me to responsibly decline an outing on a "school" night. Need my beauty rest and all - #CuzIm90. Though, if you ask my beau, he'll gladly explain that "let’s just pop in to say hello" or "we'll just stay for one drink" translates to "we'll be here for several hours, until I get bored, or run out of stories to tell, or am forcibly removed."

BUT when it comes to spending time with friends and family, as far as I'm concerned, willpower is negligible. They don't care about that nonsense. And why should I curb my time with loved ones? It's that I like people, not that I am just avoiding my regular responsibilities. It's just that I'm determined to do the things that make me happy. It's prioritizing. That's exercising my resolve, right? Ish? I guess it just depends on your point of view…

Just one more toast... Cheers to doing nothing in moderation!

*Are drugs and baby punching things people who lack willpower do? lol Is that what I think happens? Or is it more like not going to the gym and instead eating a whole cake? Or deciding to binge watch TV instead of applying for new jobs, so you end up homeless? Do they not have the will, or are they just lazy and/or stubborn? Is laziness just willpower's hotter older brother who seems much more appealing but you know isn't good for you, and yet you're oddly drawn to his badboy ways, and eventually find yourself in a Mexican prison wondering how you got there? Sigh, life's questions are tough...