The '017 Files: June: Breaka Breaka

As 2017 rolled into view, I made a decision to buckle down and become more "goal-oriented" in my daily. Each month, I wrote up a new set of to-do's and evaluated how I'd done the month prior. As June approached though, I hit that most annoying feeling: exhaustion.

It's not as if I was setting extremely laborious goals for myself. They weren't out of reach, and many of them were just centered around life improvements that I should be making anyway. BUT something about having a list for life bothered me. Having a bucket list never bothered me. Having goals and deadlines at work never bothered me. But the more months I plotted out a list for myself, the more it started to irk me. Everything just felt like such an obligation.

Maybe it's just a temporary feeling because of the ramp up in summertime busy-ness. Or a spillover in exhaustion from my work life that makes me want to shake a stick at any form of productivity in my non-work hours. Or that I wasn't focusing on the right type of goals for myself to bring joy (or whatever goals are supposed to do). Regardless, as June arrived, I decided it was time for a hiatus.

For the past month, I haven't even opened up this little blog, because for some reason, it stressed me out, too. Maybe my postpartum* struck two years after giving birth to it, because I didn't even want to think about it. I've been a bad mother to GTTP this past month.

And you know what... it's okay. There is so much pressure these days to maintain every form of communication, every social channel, to post every day-to-day moment. There's pressure to live fabulous lives to fill those channels with, and to keep up on everyone else's channel, too. I had a freak-out a month back that I'd not kept up with viewing Instagram stories and had MISSED something. Because it expires in 24 hours, so you HAVE to keep up with it.

But no you don't.

None of it really matters. It's great to pass the time. To check in on friends. To oogle the lives of beautiful strangers. But, dear friends, there's a big world out there to be enjoying beyond that.** Even if you don't Instagram every minute of it, that doesn't mean you didn't live it. Taking a month away (in which, to be honest, I did still liberally Insta my life) to not be so plugged in - it was good for the soul.

So here it is. My goals for the rest of the summer, that I hope to follow based on my experiences in June:

• Don't check my phone after 9:30 pm (except to set alarms / see if I have any last minute meetings added to my work calendar that would make me have to get up earlier) - they say the blue light messes with your sleep anyways, so maybe this'll help me sleep better too on accident
• Only 30 minutes max each night of random Insta/FB scrolling. (Thank goodness I never fell to far down the Youtube watching wormhole.)
• Unfollow a few more people on social media. Too much clutter. Need to focus. 
• No browsing on the internet while having conversations. OH my goodness, it's so awful. I realized the other day how often I do that and it is really just kind of sad. And so rude. And I need to cut that habit entirely. I don't need to keep up that badly that I can't be fully invested in a conversation happening right in front of my face.
• Spend more time writing. Because even though blogging wasn't on my mind, storytelling sure was. It's an outlet that I love. And I have SO many things to share. May as well put them "to paper" here!
• Make time for people. Don't just say you'll make plans, make them. 
• Make time for myself. Don't just say you'll relax and enjoy some free time to read a book and lazy about, do it. 

So, friends. If anything super exciting happens this summer - if you have a baby, or get engaged, or buy a house, or adopt a dog, or have an epic vacation, or eat an amazing sandwich that I should definitely go get to eat too - please point it out to me next time I see you. Because I may miss it on the interwebs... #SorryNotSorry.

Promise I'm not ghosting you. Just out there living.

* Promise I'm not trying to make light of postpartum here. Postpartum is serious shit and absolutely horrifying. 
** Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're here to share a little bit of my world. But if you've got other plans and don't have time to hang out with me anymore, it's cool. I don't mind. We're still good. I still love ya. You'll come visit if you find the time, no worries.